New Year, Resolved
Ten seconds before midnight January 1, 2004, my friend stubbed out his cigarette. "That's it--that's [...]
Putting The Pieces Together
As it happens, I'm a quilter too. I mention this because Nancy, who writes a [...]
Rebooting The Biffy
Kohler has developed a toilet that anticipates your every desire, because men simply do not [...]
Pootie’s Christmas
We always got a balsam fir for Christmas, because Daddy thought those smelled the best, [...]
Calling On The Butter Fairy
Norway is suffering a killer butter shortage during the holiday season. This is tragic because [...]
Parasites In The House
Birds work their fannies off. That's why you hardly ever see a proper fanny on [...]
Giving Kaiser The Finger
Dave's middle finger just blew up. It had always been knobby since the day he [...]
Margaret Day!
It's the Most Underful Time.....of the year! With your panties all shreddy and holes in [...]
The Bum Bum: An Improctical Solution
A woman in Florida nearly died after having her buttocks pumped full of cement by [...]
On The Edge Of Hall’s Hill
A while back, I opened the Sunday paper to find a little sidebar with the [...]
Forced To Curl
I don't remember many dark moments in my childhood. Mom was a pleasant, smiling, patient [...]
THE VIDEO OBAMA DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE
Big Dick--that's what he likes to be called--ushered the New Guy into the Situation Creation [...]
Clueless
Hey, I never told you all about last Thanksgiving. It was something. I can reveal [...]
Murr, Murr, Quite Contrurr
To those who say America has been asleep, lulled by television and cheap electronic toys [...]
EmURKURKergency!
I missed that whole 11/11/11/11:11 thing, and the test of the Emergency Alert System, and the last [...]