It was the tagline for The Cushion Lab that drew me in: “Turning sitting into relaxing.” I had never thought sitting was all that arduous. They might just as well offer to lube up slugs, or rub the kinks out of a cat. I had to learn more.

The Cushion Lab makes cushions.

Cushions, and marketing copy. And what editor-free content it is! Starting right out in bold print:

Enhacing your comfort and bettering our planet.

My first thought was that as long as they were “enhacing” my comfort, they might as well be buttering our planet. Everyone would like that. To continue:

Our goal is to spread positivity & productivity by making comfort-inducing products that are human-centered designed, and earth-friendly made-So you can be mentally and physically liberated to do more great things.

Comfort-inducing sounds unnecessarily aggressive. I believe the word they were going for was “comfortable,” unless they are actually pelting you with foam. “Human-centered designed” is a little puzzling also, until you notice the cushions have bilateral symmetry, including a hole in the bottom right where the hole in your personal bottom is, so you can tell when you’re spang in the middle. Furthermore, they say, the contours of the cushions hug the organic curves of your body. What are my organic curves? I’m not sure, but they sound nice.

Well, okay. Flawed copy aside, it’s probably a great product for the new age. I know from watching Downton Abbey that the upper crust were taught to sit straight without leaning into the back of the chair or slumping in any direction. They were backward that way: they were expected to hold themselves up with their own muscles.

We no longer have to do that, so, fortunately, The Cushion Lab is in the business of making ergonomically designed cushions and pillows. From what I understand, ergonomics is the practice of designing and engineering products that replace your musculature entirely and prop your skeleton into place for you. It’s not ideal if you ever wanted to use your muscles for anything later, but that hasn’t been an issue for decades. For instance, you might have an ergonomically designed keyboard to align your arms and alleviate carpal-tunnel syndrome, which is actually caused by your shoulder misalignment because you slump hunched-over in your chair in front of the computer all day long. That’s fixable with a few simple exercises, but it’s a lot less trouble to buy a new keyboard and have a surgeon drill into your hands.

Wait! There’s more.

By joining Climate Neutral, we are taking step we are excited to partake in more climate-changing solutions…[we] will be able to contribuet to the restoration of over 6 million strees across the county.

The “county” they’re referring to is Australia. Where a lot of strees have burned. I was wondering if Australia had also experienced a devastating loss of copy editors, but I checked, and the company is actually in California. No matter: both places have plenty of burned strees, and they want to help replace them, a process they refer to as “plantation.” I suppose they could plantate in either locale.

Well, I do like me a comfortable chair. I also like to hike. I’m ambi-joyous. My current recliner and laptop have, however, nearly replaced my natural human range of movement for me, and, as a comfort kit, lack only an astronaut-grade diaper and a sushi train within reach.

The Cushion Lab is on it. Their products are “either made of” organic cotton or transformed plastic bottles. I guess they’re not sure which.

But if the cushion is properly human-centered and one of those plastic bottles is positioned directly under the central drain department, they’re halfway there. Leave the front door unlocked for Door Dash, and you’re in business.