I need to bone up on all the new Law just in case some of it decides to come knock me upside the head. From what I’ve been able to ascertain, if a gang of masked men were to suddenly apprehend me and try to cart me off, I am under no circumstances to raise my arms, push back, or defend myself in any way. It is possible I am merely being “detained,” a word I previously used to explain in the vaguest manner why I was late to an appointment. I won’t know if I will be hauled into a department store dressing room while I’m being detained or how many of the men plan to detain me and in what order, or just what is involved. It wouldn’t be my natural response, but I suppose I am supposed to just go limp in case the gentlemen in question are duly sworn law enforcement personnel just trying to do their job and I happen to be in the way. I mean, they could be. Evidently they don’t have to say. Then, of course, having gone limp, unlike my assaulters, I can be dragged off by my hair and I shouldn’t be in any trouble at all. I’ll just have to take the attitude that I’m being detained so I might as well lie back and enjoy it.

Admittedly I’d still be at a loss what law I might have been breaking, especially if no one explains it to me. That’s gotten increasingly unclear. I mean, if I were brown, it would be more obvious. If I were brown, it’s possible I will have walked a thousand miles across the desert with my babies strapped to my back to get away from some unspeakable horror until I came ashore at the metaphorical feet of Lady Liberty, and just wanted a chance to start anew, sell a bunch of fentanyl on the open market, and maybe bring my brother too so there’d be someone to do the raping and murdering. It’s unlikely, but it’s possible.

But I’m an old lady, and other than some traffic violations I was able to sweet-talk my way out of as a young white woman with long hair and good tits, and maybe some illicit drug use but not the icky kind the thugs use, I should be good to go. That’s where all the new law comes in. I could be about to get some detainin’ on account of being mouthy. Guilty! I’m all that. First amendment doesn’t apply to mouthy. Or I could be attending public events while leaning Democratic. From what I’ve been able to glean from the scattershot mouth droppings of our duly-rigged-and-installed leader, well over half the citizens of this country should be tried for treason for the stuff they think.

So I’m thinking to be on the safe side, since I do think the treasonous things, I should camouflage my nature by packing heat and dressing more patriotically, as though I’m ready to take a tour of the U.S. Capitol through the nearest broken window. I could wear clothes made of cut-up portions of Old Glory and I could swear up and down that I’d be honored if the Commander In Chief wanted to grab me by my shriveled pussy. I could go around singing “Don’t know much about history.”

Might not help me much though. Unfortunately I’m past the age I could produce a child for the fatherland, even if I wanted to. Which means the State isn’t going to miss me if something were to go wrong. If I disappear for a while, I hope one of you pipes up.