Thirty years ago, I was introduced to a book that changed my life. With “Pain Free,” I was able to eliminate pain I’d had so long I couldn’t tell it from death and taxes. And that pain didn’t come back. So I became a top-drawer proselytizer. I was out to cure everybody. The apostle Paul had nothing on me.
I was this close to donning a crisp white shirt and tie and bicycling up to your door to ask if you had accepted Pete Egoscue as your Lord and Savior. I approached total strangers about their errant foot strikes. I badgered my fellow postal workers no end. I was, in short, completely obnoxious.
And there is no better proof of my complete obnoxion than that I harried dozens of my victims into telling me they “bought the book!” They didn’t read the book. They didn’t do the exercises. So I rolled my eyes. Later it occurred to me that there was something to be learned from the fact that so many people were willing to part with cash for a book they wouldn’t use just to make me shut up. But still. Why go halfway when you have the book?
And what does that have to do with plate tectonics? Well. I’ll tell you.
We’re penciled in for a major tectonic event here in Portland. In fact, a magnitude-9 earthquake has a really good chance of occurring even in the ever-dwindling remainder of my lifetime. And we’re all supposed to be preparing for it.
I’m not afraid of this earthquake. I couldn’t say why, except that it doesn’t seem like something I could personally prevent, and also I think geology is super cool, and having a whole mess of geology land on my head all at once is kind of exciting. Also? Most days I’m banking that the odds are against that particular earthquake happening that particular day, and so far I’ve been vindicated. Preparing for it seems to involve stocking up on non-perishable food items and making sure I have plenty of water in store; maybe a good tent, a space blanket, warm clothing, and a toity seat on a bucket.
Which is all well and good. But where does one put it all? I’ve got food in the house, after all. What if I can’t get in the house? I could stick stuff in the basement but what happens if the rest of my house ends up there, all crumbled up? What If I’m stuck under a fallen beam? Should I be walking around at all times with peanut butter packets strapped to me like body armor?
This matter of placement confounds me. If I were in serious wildfire country on a single road, I’d have a damn go-bag by the door. But I can’t run from an earthquake.
Still, the water bit at least seemed like a good idea. One day about fifteen years ago I found some very large plastic food storage containers recycled from restaurants. I bought them, cleaned them out, and filled them with water from the hose. I can’t lift them, but I hand-trucked them into my tool shed outside, reasoning that the house wasn’t going to fall on that. It made me feel pretty smug for a while.
They’re still there. That water has probably grown hair by now, and there’s always something better to do than try to mule out a ton of water from the shed and replace it. Besides, I’m using them to hold up a pile of chicken wire and landscape cloth.
Basically, it can be said that when it comes to our earthquake, I bought the book, but I didn’t read it.
But hope springs eternal. I just found ten food-safe, stackable 3.5 gallon container cubes on the internet—altogether a better idea. I can lift them. I can move them. I felt smug as soon as I placed the order. I felt Prepared. They just showed up in a big box on the porch and I hauled it inside. Yes indeed I did: I am The Preparinator.
And there the box sits in my living room like the monolith from 200l: A Space Odyssey. I’m pretty sure my hips will eventually have developed a reflexive swing around it in the same way I generally avoid running into walls. It’s nice and flat on top. Great place to perch your bags and coat and stuff when you’re coming inside. By the time I’ve got heavier winter gear to shuck off, I suspect I won’t see that box at all.
So, still no water, come the apocalypse. But I am pain free.
I was at a conference in Atlanta, 2000 I think. My back pain flared during the interminable committee meetings, and the fellow next to me recommended an ‘exercise’ from Egoscue’s book. I went back to my hotel room and tried it for a half-hour or so, and voila! The pain, a companion for upwards of a decade, went away. I never bought the book, but did the simple ‘exercise’ every time the pain reoccurred.
As to the future earthquake, just another reason I want my kids and grands to move to Denmark or some other non-dictatorial country.
I’ll stay here and vote like their lives depend on it, sir!
Skip the water and buy a couple of the hi-tech filter straws that people take on vacation to Mexico and South America.
I AM four miles from both the Columbia River and the Willamette River. I should have one just for my mountain hikes.
Bought the book when I first read a blog post that you wrote about it. I’ve actually done the exercises that I needed to when I overdid something and was hurty. They worked. Haven’t had to do any recently, as the only thing that bothers me is occasional knee stiffness and soreness from Arthritis, and I find that acupuncture takes care of any pain from it very well. But the book is in my library for when I need it.
Fortunately, I’m not in earthquake territory, but as I’m on the East Coast, there is always the danger of hurricanes. Also, we’ve been having a few tornadoes, even though that was never “a thing” here before. I do have SOME canned goods (like tomatoes, tuna, sardines, and salmon, and dried food, like pasta, rice, and mushrooms. But most of my food is either fresh or frozen, and I could never use it up in an emergency to where it would be eaten before it all spoiled. I’d have to throw one hell of a dinner party for that to happen!
I have water stockpiled in the basement in old vinegar jugs and large empty bottles from Bulleit Rye. But it hasn’t been tossed and refilled, or even added to, in ages. I figure that if things get that bad, I’ll drink it anyway. Right after I finish up the beer, wine, and various liquors I have for cooking.
I figured my hairy water would be just fine in a pinch, also. AFTER I finish my beer. IF I can get to it all. Earthquakes and tornadoes (and hurricanes in the right spot) have a way of disappearing your house in a hurry.
I bought the book and promptly stored it in the vehicle I was driving at the time unread. It got transferred from one vehicle to another, but I didn’t read it.
I finally brought it inside and read the hip exercises and did them long enough to pull a muscle in my groin. After that I went back to just walking for exercise.
I should note that I was born with hip issues, so it may be the Egoscue’s exercises aren’t the best for me.
As far as moving to Denmark goes, I don’t know what the tectonic activity is, but Iceland is highly active. New volcanic islands have emerged there in my lifetime and old ones have disappeared in historical times.
I think of Denmark as being potentially floody. But I don’t know. Heck, we’re all in more danger from fascists.
My grandson is visiting this week, and showed me (online) a water production device that makes drinking water out of the humidity in the air. Looked pretty cool. Also, he said the Louvre’s password for its video system was LOUVRE. Not sure where he comes up with this stuff.
It’s true! The password for the Louvre was LOUVRE! I heard it on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me this weekend! I freakin’ LOVE that radio show!
I never thought of it, but I have a damp basement, so I have a dehumidifier down there. It runs into a French drain, so I don’t have to empty it all the time, but all I’d have to do is take off the hose and change it to fill the bucket. Voilà! Water!
Probably want to run that through a filter first.
Boy, do I not miss being in a humid climate. Or a dry one. I’m in Goldilocks territory.
I, too, am an Egoscue proselytizer, and may even be responsible for your book. Given the number of copies I’ve given away, he must owe me a BIG commission. A friend said it was like being your own chiropractor, but I figure that depends on the chiropractor. Thank you for this timely reminder to Do the Exercises. I have been in PT for months and while that’s great for stretching and strengthening, it’s Egoscue that seems to work for pain. Not for earthquakes, probably.
Loretta
I can’t blame you for my obsession. That was an old man of my acquaintance who told me (when my shoulder was out and PT had accomplished nothing) who said he was two weeks away from a hip replacement when someone suggested The Book. He canceled the surgery after a week.
Egoscue on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=egoscue+exercises
One thing I thought of about earthquakes is that there is a 33% chance I’ll be in bed, naked, when it happens. It will be very dark and raining hard–bound to be. In a shelf under the bed I’ve placed a crow bar, good for smashing window shards and lnd welding gloves for yanking them out of the frame. Heavy, warm, rain resistant clothes to crawl over lethal sharp edges. without getting sliced and diced. Flashlight and batteries Saw. Food and drink. Happily, it’s a ground floor bedroom.
There’s lot more equipment around the place, but getting out in one piece is the priority. Then I’ll crawl over to your place, for some of that dehydrated water you’re storing. I’ll take Highway 30, built directly over the fault line. See you in a few years!
Good luck. I also assume I’ll be in bed but it’s the second floor and there’s a tower above me too. I will be mayonnaise.
Thank you for reminding me to do my Egoscue ankle and hip exercises this morning. I had taken one morning off after a solid month of exercising bc I had an aurora sleepover with Shila! Flopping down on the floor now. Oh. I convinced my sister to buy the book just last week! I will always thank you for that. The only thing I’m prepared for is food shortages. Got sooo much food here. xoxo jz
Mmm. I need to move much closer. That’s my real strategy: ingratiate myself to prepared friends. NO lights here! It’s too cloudy.
Earthquakes seem to be shaking up our nation’s capital today.
wait what?