After self-confessed and indicted sexual predator Donald J. Trump oozed into office like runoff from a pustule, promising to protect the women, whether they like it or not, he has finally given us what we wanted.

Pornography. Hard-core.

I mean, I guess that’s what we wanted. It looks more like footage that some undercover provocateur might have released to undermine the President, and there was a time it might have had that effect, but we’re over that sissy law-and-liberty stuff now. This slime has been staged and directed from the highest level, and widely distributed to even the mainstream media, on purpose. You’ve seen it.

America, you have seen it. Men packed together like filleted fish, heads shaved and bowed. This reality, and this porno scene, is being produced in your name. Presumably the men are in prisons in El Salvador. What? No, they are men. They are human beings. Some of them might be criminals. We don’t know. We don’t need to know, America, because Donald J. Trump has said they are, even though he doesn’t know it either.

There’s some fuss being made over one of these men (Yes! They are still men!) because even the administration agrees he was scooped off the streets in error, although they continue to claim he’s a bad guy anyway, even though they had no evidence that they were able to present to a court. But we believe it. We believe it about all of those filleted gentlemen, because, well, look at them! Heads shaved. Heads bowed. These cannot be good people. We really don’t need to care about them. Fuck them, really.

Don’t even bring up history. This is the modern era. Cattle cars are old school. We use planes. And Trump is nothing like that other guy, although he does admire him. The other guy had more hair, for one thing. Forget about history. History is history. Some of you might remember it if you’re old enough, but you’ll be dead soon, and now we care enough about our children to protect them from it.

It has been reported that our “224-pound” leader has recently aced, aced I tell you, a cognitive test in which he was required to remember five words, but none of them were from the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence, neither of which he is he would recognize if they got caught in his head fluff.The D of I used to be kind of a big deal. In it, our nascent nation declared it was going to abide by certain ideals that were not at all in the mainstream at the time. And for over 200 years, during many of which we fell short of those ideals, we still maintained that the rule of law was sacrosanct, that due process is a fundamental right, and that it applies to citizens and non-citizens alike. It was a revolutionary idea at the time. No one can be deprived of life or liberty without due process of law. It’s messy, it’s time-consuming, but it means that we Americans believe humans have value. It’s pro-life.

That means you cannot scoop random brownish people off the street for a suspicious tattoo and pack them off to El Salvador without violating the most core principles our country was founded on. The thing that made us different.

Unless, of course, you just do. Nanner nanner, try ’n’ stop me, says our grownup in chief.

This practice done in our name is being called “deportation.”

These men are not being deported. They are being exported. They are a product we are sending away but instead of El Salvador paying for them, we taxpayers are paying them to remove them from our sight, after, of course, they have bared their submissive bodies for the President’s porn. The President of El Salvador, Nayib Bukele, can certainly be trusted to declare all these men vicious criminals and terrorists and he’s got the pocket jingle to prove it.

The sight of our shaved and stacked human export products is the only thing besides Ivanka that gives our President a woody anymore, and so, America, we are probably stuck with his porn. It might get even better. It’s already a snuff film. The good stuff happens off-camera.