The reason people get a dog is they want something to love them. They might also want to love something but those are two sides of the same biscuit. Dogs satisfy a human need and sometimes they do it better than other humans do. Or, at least, more reliably.
In fact, you don’t even have to do much for a dog to love you. You just have to be that dog’s person.
How much a person needs love can be reflected in their dog situation. Some people who need a lot of love get a lot of dogs, but it isn’t necessary. They could just get one Golden Retriever. Because some dogs, like Golden Retrievers, need our love more than other dogs. Our old dog, for instance, was perfectly suited to us. Our dog loved us and enjoyed our company and also enjoyed the company of anyone willing to share their breakfast, so she wasn’t an exclusive sort of dog. And we didn’t want to be looking after our dog’s emotional needs every second of the day.
We spent a lot of time training her when she was a pup. She trotted at heel without a lead, sat when we stopped, stayed when we told her to stay, and came when we called every single time, even if she didn’t really want to. What we didn’t think to teach her was “Don’t climb the fence paw-over-paw” because we didn’t think she could do that. But a five-foot fence was no impediment whatsoever to a twelve-inch dog if she was on one side of it and the neighbor’s plate of sausage and biscuits was on the other side.
She took care of her own needs.
And–this is probably telling–we didn’t necessarily notice when she was missing. Once, during fireworks season, which used to last three months around here, Dave’s mom called from a mile down the hill. “Is Boomer with you?” she said, and we said Yeah, we think so, although we couldn’t actually lay eyes on her right that second. “Because I think she’s at my back door,” she said. And she was.
It was a little embarrassing the number of times people returned our dog to us when we didn’t know she needed returning.
Anyway we were emotionally a good fit. A Golden Retriever would have been too much dog, needing too much affection. On the other side of the scale, there was my friend Fred, who lived with a perfectly wretched bunwad of a Pekingese, a flat-fronted wheezer with an asthmatic growl, a dog that would sneak up on you just to staple you with its face. Sometimes it bit Fred. “Why do you like that dog?” we asked, because he did, and he said “Well, if this dog likes you, you know you’re really special.” And after its own fashion, that dog did like Fred. Fred was chewy.
People have different emotional needs. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to get a dog so something loves you. In fact, it’s the best reason. You shouldn’t get a dog to threaten other people. Or to guard the yard on a long chain. Or to match your purse.
But if you really want affection, if you really need affirmation from across the globe, if you want to be an object of desire, if you want to get fan mail all day long and be pursued by millions, without feeling any obligation to reciprocate? Skip the dog.
Become a literary agent.
I haven't lived with a dog since I left the literal farm in 1983 for the big city, but your funny, kind & warm piece made me miss Boner, Sweet & Reuben. Enjoyed your photos too, that one of yourself & Boomer gave me a real chuckle!
Boner? Really?
Haha–yes, and everytime I've mentioned our first dog, I get that same question 🙂
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Great reply, Ed.
Murr, I would suggest that the dog was of French heritage, and that its original name was "Bonheur", alluding to the happiness that she/he brought to the owner. After a few years of living in the U.S., the name was Anglicized, thereby explaining "Boner". At least, that's what I'm gonna think…..
Well, I have a dirty mind, Ed (makes conversations SO much more entertaining to me!) so when Dug says he still misses his Boner… I'm just gonna giggle like an adolescent.
Wow! This sure is a randy crowd ;^)
I grew up with a lot of animals (including dogs). I learned to walk pulling myself up on our German Shepherd's tail (and am told he just about crossed his legs so as to not pull me off my wobbly feet). I also teethed on his ears. He compensated by draining my bottle every chance he got.
Yes I loved him. And believe he loved me (and the rest of the family) too.
I love German Shepherds. I was terrified of them when I was little but I got over it.
It's a coincidence that I read your column today; our dog died this morning. She was often an annoying little dog, and we miss her.
Oh crap.
Still no takers? Literary agents are obviously the great unwashed among the literati.
Still no takers.
I had a dog … at least, my family had a dog, but maybe he was really mine … who followed me whenever I ran away from home. He refused to ride in the police cars that drove me back home (this was a pretty regular adventure of mine) but ran behind the car, sometimes while I stood in the front seat (way before seat belts were even an idea) with my arm around the driver's shoulder. Hey, how could I find my way home alone in Levittown, the first modern housing suburb, where all the houses looked alike?
You'd have to follow your dog!
My family dog, Bobo, was invisible. My mother wouldn’t permit us to have an animal bigger than a Woolworth’s turtle or goldfish. Bobo would come around at dinner time and beg for food under the table. No one ever walked Bobo—no need. My Dad grew up with an incorrigible Afghan hound named Satan. Maybe that’s why we could only have Bobo.
I apologize to all Afghan fans, but having an Afghan is a sure way to make sure you never have another dog again. Scariest dogs in the postal universe with a brain the size of a pistachio.
Is that Boomer on your shoulder? She's gorgeous. What type of dog was she? We always had German Shepherds except for that one that was a Shepherd/ border Collie cross.
Boomer, believe it or not, was half Terrier Mix (her father roamed down the street and looked just like her only more slovenly) and half…Chihuahua!
Do you know that test which proves the loyalty of dogs over humans? Drive somewhere in your car and lock your dog in the boot of the car and leave it for half an hour. When you return and release it, the dog will greet you like a long lost friend who has saved its life. Try doing that with your wife or girlfriend and see the difference.
Wait a minute, let me get my keys.
Run, Dave, RUNNNNN!!!
Now I know why he wanted a hatchback.
This arrived the very day I got to see and hold my new puppy, Peabody, a tricolor Sheltie. Peabody is going to escape the stress and publicity of the show dog's life, and become a country gentleman instead, and he's spectacular, and yes, we love each other. Well, I love him enough for both of us.
Congratulations! PEABODY!
I have often had a dog, but rarely more than one at a time. Except when I was married. Then I had as many as five at a time which says something about the marriage. Now I am divorced and have no dogs, but I still have two old cats. Doing just fine,thanks.
Once you go cat, you don't go back. (This is not true, except at this household.)
I take it the hunt for an agent is still underway? Maybe you should get a dog as a backup plan! Boomer was a cute little thing. I don't think I could take the devotion of a dog; the guilt at knowing I wasn't worthy would eat away at me.
That's why Boomer was so good. She had us sized up and said, Yeah, not ideal, but you'll do–I'll hang with you.
Another winning post! I also love the comments and wish I could post a little red heart or a laughing face after many of them.
I made the mistake of buying the most adorable round norwegian elkhound puppy years ago, not being versed in dogs, a real Cat Lady actually. We also made the mistake soon after of moving to an unfenced yard backing onto a wooded hillside. Well no one ever told me these dogs can do 40 miles a day running and never work up a sweat. We finally ended giving Max to a dear friend who adored dogs and had an opening for one to be with their giant brown poodle. Max gave them many happy years of opportunities for them to call us and complain about what Max had just done this time! They had a cabin at Lake Tahoe and often had to come home leaving him behind. They would drive 3 hours back up to the mountains and hunt for him. One time they found him in the parking lot of a ski lodge peeing on a wall of skis lined up against a wall. When they called him he reluctantly came to their car and, as they said, sulked all the way home for spoiling his fun.
Oh Lordy. Great story!
I have been a dog-tolerater, and a dog caretaker, a dog’s victim, and dog tired. But I have never really been in love with a dog until we got our little West Highland White Terrier, Flora. And I’m not even her favorite human; my husband is. In truth, though, she is so loved that she expects love from everyone she meets. And, because she does,because she smiles and wags her tail and does a little dance on her hind legs for anyone who makes eye contact, people ask her name. They remember it, and greet her enthusiastically next time. I’ve never seen anyone, human or dog, like her.
I do all that stuff that Flora does, and people only give me the side-eye. What am I doing wrong???
I left out the part where she looks like the Westie on the dog food commercials. That helps. Try it.
Aw, jeeze! I can NEVER be THAT cute!
Everyone's looksist.
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