Subject: Your Blog unsubscribe!
Hi Ron, I don’t blame you. I set that whole blog subscription thing up a long time ago and you get those little emails every time I post, and you’re tired of it. Not only that, but you thought the blog was going in an Erma Bombeck direction and it turned out to be a libtard cesspool. The problem is, when I set up the subscription thingy, it was just sort of a handshake deal with the children who run the internet, and nobody sent me a manual. The promise was that it would all be automatic, and the children would take care of everything for us. Up until now, for the last ten years, that has been the case. No, sir, I don’t know the children personally, or I would certainly ring them up on your behalf.
Anyway, when you hit “Reply” on the email, it didn’t go to the smart children, it went to me, and I don’t have the ability to unsubscribe for you. However, you can do it yourself by clicking on the “unsubscribe” button at the bottom of the email.
Hope this helps.
Subject: Your Blog second request to unsubscribe!!
Hi Ron! Maybe it seems to you that I should be able to unsubscribe for you, but the trouble is it’s like calling up the FBI and complaining about the “dog down the street.” And then when they ask which street, answering “You know good and well which street, I’ve lived here all my life.” Everyone wants to help you, but they can’t.
The good news is you can shoot the dog yourself merely by scrolling down to the “unsubscribe” button and clicking on it.
Subject: Your Blog third request to unsubscribe!!!
Ronny baby! Try this. You click on the link. The link is the part that shows up in blue. It will say “unsubscribe now,” and that’s our clue that we’re in the vicinity of the email that is pertinent to our needs. Clicking means you maneuver your little arrow thingy over the blue part and press down. It will probably make a clicky noise. Just once should do it. If it doesn’t, click harder and numerously and maybe put a little fingernail into it.
Sir? Do you have a great-grandchild, or possibly a neighbor boy you’re grooming? See if you can entice him over to help. Maybe put out a bowl of those little hard strawberry candies. They love those.
No, no, believe me, sir, I totally understand your frustration. I’m no young thing myself, and I too have to get a little help every now and then. Ha ha! We can’t expect to be as adept at this kind of thing as the children who grew up with an ultrasound in the womb. Lit up their little wieners and everything. My land!
Subject: Your Blog fourth request to UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!
Oh! You are employing the caps lock key now, I see. By this, if I take your meaning right, you mean you were serious the first time you wrote, and you’re not playing around any longer, and perhaps my own computer has gone hard of hearing, or otherwise the issue would have been resolved by now.
The trouble is with something called Feedburner, which is the name of my blog subscription service. I don’t know how it works. It’s a widget, and widgets are easily spooked. You start messing with one widget, and the whole pack gets restless. I try to make as little noise as possible around them to keep the peace.
But my problems are no concern of yours, Ron, yes, I take your point. Okay, I’m going to try something old-school, if you’ll just bear with me a moment.
Subject: YOUR BLOG FIFTH REQUEST TO UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!!
Please! Stop with the capital letters! I almost had Dobbin rounded up to hitch to your subscription and haul it away, and now he’s whickering over behind the water trough. Meemaw is flapping at him with her apron to get him back around but at this point we’re losing daylight.
Subject: FINAL REQUEST! IT IS YOUR BLOG, TAKE ME OFF NOW!!!!!!
All right, I didn’t want to have to bring out the big muskets, but I must tell you that Meemaw has been listening in on your phone conversations (one long, three shorts, am I right?) and she wants you to know she can ruin you right up to kingdom come and ain’t afraid to try, you filthy fopdoodle. Your move, sir.
Jesus Christ, Ron! If you can't figure out "unsubscribe", you can at least surely to goodness figure out how to get the e-mail to the little trash can icon — or, better yet, to the "spam folder". That way, you will not have to worry about it ever again. Or, better still, get rid of your computer entirely, because it's obviously giving you much too much aggravation.
I think he's using it to keep the screen door from banging shut.
I'm even more of a relic than Murr, if that is possible, and even I can figure it out! It took years to figure out that you have to click "start" to turn it off, so it should be obvious that if a complete idiot like me could figure out "unsubscribe", you can do it too! C'mon Ron, get both of those brain cells working!
They can work all they want but if they don't touch each other nothing happens.
Hah—I'll make your numbers stay even. I'll subscribe, never thought to do that because I use Feedly, but email is even better. Poor Ron. He does need a grandchild, doesn't he.
I actually have no idea what the subscription service is or how it works. I am assuming it's the Follow button and I have it set up so you just get a teaser email to click on. Might not be the best option.
A subscription service is when your blog post goes to the person who subscribed. Via email.
If unsubscribing is as easy as subscribing, which I just did and it took less than 30 seconds, I don't know why poor Ron is having such a hard time.
I kind of like poor Ron though.
Y'see, this is the problem with democracy. Everyone gets a vote. Even Ron. With a pencil, obvs.
Tongue sticking out the corner.
Wow and I thought I had problems with people telling me they could no longer comment on blog. Took me weeks to figure out it was the death of Google+ and I had to unsubscribe to them so that people in the outer sphere could get through to me. What do people do who are not as smart as Ron and I?
I'll let you know when I figure out what you just said.
hee hee…libtard cesspool…hee hee
Come on in, the water's fine! If lumpy!
Natural selection doesn't work with computer stuff.
I am so very slightly more wieldy with the interwebs than Ron. I'm sympathetic.
Well, Ron is still rather annoying. But you're not.
I, too, have no idea how I originally set up that email subscription thing-y or feedburner or ANYTHING. I'm mildly impressed with my 10-years-younger self for being so tech savvy, actually.
I'm way overdue for a blog overhaul but I'm afraid to touch anything.
This is hilarious. Some people! SMH.
In reality, I think he wrote four times before he either got it or quit.
Are you sure he's "Ron"? Might the "R" actually be a "D"?
That would explain a lot!
The Ron/Don comment made me smile.
I am (usually) slightly more adept than Ron/Don on the interwebs. Unless twitter is involved.
I'm on twitter but I don't get why anyone ever looks at it. Everyone said I'd be great on twitter with my little bons mots but it bores me too much to climb aboard.
Oh, dear me. For whatever reason, I get the feeling that Ron is about 10 years younger than either of us, and is the product of a failed public school system. Such people are usually disillusioned and frustrated with life from an early age on…..But this is just my gut reaction talking…
I didn't save our correspondence, so I don't remember his last name, but it was unusual enough that I was able to look him up, and he was older than we are.
If he keeps this up, Ron sounds like he's on his way to being a recipient of a Darwin Award in the not too distant future.
I like to save the Darwins for people who don't understand the physical world. If screwing up the internet can get you killed, I'm a goner.
Sounds like he is not a good candidate for the Darwins, as he is well past the point of passing on his genome, so his extinction would be inconsequential to the species. Probably he's just frustrated and can't understand why the world is against him. I can commiserate.
Me too. Even better, I can get a blog post out of him.
Is this for real? I'm an oldie myself and not as computer savvy as I'd like to be, but I sure as heck know how to unsubscribe from stuff.
He just kept hitting "Reply" on his Murrmurrs notice. I have no idea why that makes it come to me.
I would love Ron's email.
Oh no you don't!