Dave peered into the beer fridge with concern.
“We have to make a Costco run,” he said. He was right. We were down to our last case of beer.
There are lots of people who might not consider 24 beers a panic situation, but we believe in planning and preparing and personal responsibility, and what if a couple bears showed up tonight with a bottle opener? No. It’s just too close for comfort.
I did say “beer fridge.” Let’s call it a legacy item. Forty years ago we got a small refrigerator and drilled a hole in the door and set it up with a keg. We did pretty well with that until we realized we were attracting more friends than we really wanted or liked or, in some cases, recognized. One day we didn’t replace the keg and that was that. But the little fridge had been there long enough to be a common-law appliance. We swapped it out for another small fridge and put our beer in there, with some chaperone sodas. We’ve had two refrigerators all this time. A full beer fridge feels like security. With a full beer fridge, we feel like we are in compliance with earthquake readiness recommendations. We’re not, technically, but it feels that way. Disaster? Ha. We laugh at your disaster.
We should probably get a bucket with a toilet seat and dried food and a water filter and a first-aid kit and Handi-Wipes and peanut butter and a lantern and a space blanket and a Saint Bernard, but the lack of a lot of those things can be mitigated with beer. Oh and we’re also supposed to have some firearms to protect our stash from our, uh, friends and neighbors and people in need, but we aren’t planning to change party affiliation or anything, so no.
Basically, everything I’ve ever read about a big-ass earthquake leads me to believe the full beer fridge is a solid first step. Followed by the bucket and toilet seat. Stick with the basics and you can avoid the full-on Donner situation.
It’s been suggested that being hyper-aware of the number of beers on hand is a bit of a red flag, alcoholism-wise, but who’s to draw the line between a nice hobby and a debilitating disease? Also it’s not supposed to be a good thing if you obsessively check the beer situation at other people’s houses so you can go out for supplies, but what if you’re going to be there for hours and they’re Hefeweizen people? What then? Some people also think it is some kind of sign if you have to pull over when driving in a dangerous and scary situation to chug a beer before you can keep driving, which I have done twice, and both times were totally justified. Some people think being prepared to take care of your own needs is not a virtue. Suddenly people who think nothing of making sure they have life-saving heart medication on hand are all judgey about other people’s needs.
The real reason it’s a little nuts to panic when the beer gets low is that we are living spang in the middle of the best beer town in the whole world, and we can get any of thirty or forty different brews inside of a five-minute walk. If we actually ran out of beer, the solution is right around the corner.
But we’re prepared. We’re self-reliant. We’re the Mormons of the beer aisle. That’s not a thing, but if it were, that’s what we’d be.
I'm a rye drinker. As I've said before, alcohol is my anxiety meds. With rye, I can adjust how much rye to how much water. Sometimes I just need a dribble, sometimes a bit more. I tried wine, but I tend to drink too fast and feel compelled to finish the bottle, so let's just say that the results are not pretty.
I used to drink beer when I was taking care of my mom. All day. Just enough of a buzz to keep me from going batshit. After her demise, I had put on thirty pounds. On a 5 foot tall frame. Granted, all the take-out food helped with that. Thankfully, my inherent vanity motivated me enough to cook my own food, exercise, and cut down on the beer, and I got down to my fighting weight again.
I don't agree that "alcoholism" is a disease. You know what's a disease? Cancer. AIDS. Drinking is a habit. I managed to cut down drastically when motivated. I even cut it out entirely for a month once, just to see if I could. And I stopped drinking in the evenings when I was drawing, because it interfered with it. A practice I still keep up. (The not drinking in the evening, not the drawing.) When I am already relaxed, I don't need it to relax.
But, yeah, we always make sure we get the large-sized bottle, and have a backup if we start getting low.
I quit for two years once. Those were the Dark Ages.
I quit for 4 years after having (very early easily cured) tongue cancer, in case that was the cause. I couldn't stand it anymore and went back to it. Totally Dark Ages, great description. Felt SO deprived!
Oh dear, am I to understand that you now drink beer out of cans, rather than use the tap on the beer fridge? I always liked the idea of having beverages 'on tap' — maybe it assuaged my fears of 'running out'? If I were still a drinking man, I'm sure that I would have a wine fridge with a convenient tap. And maybe a smaller, vodka fridge, too?
And also, I love the "mormons of the beer aisle" description!!
Them's mostly bottles. And the gin is in the OTHER fridge!
Beer preppers. I should have seen it coming. About the time I finished college I was visiting a friend's apartment. When we woke up the next morning the water to the building had been shut off and we were hungry. We still had some leftover beer and used it as the liquid for our pancakes. A little grainy tatsing, but quite delicious to us at the time. Beer came though in an emergency situation just like I knew it would!
Most of the beer is in the basement. I figure it'll still be accessible after the quake.
Help is available. :-p
You'll be the first I consult.
Just think of your beer supply as your life-saving heart medication and keep the supply steady.
We're on it.
I went without drinking for ten years once. Then, on my eleventh birthday….
SN for the win!