Might as well know this about me. I don’t think death is the worst thing. At least, my feelings about it are ambivalent, and vary with the circumstance. Humane deaths are a good thing. Being able to euthanize a beloved pet is a good thing. Dispatching a rat humanely, a rat with the poor judgment to come inside my house, does not bother me.

Doesn’t mean I’m good at it.

So I have set a snap trap. I am enjoying my morning coffee when it occurs to me to glance over at my trap. It isn’t there. It is a few inches away, under the sofa. It had worked. I did the only thing I could think of. I texted my friend Pat in all caps.

PAT PAT PAT I CAUGHT A RAT RAT RAT OMG WHAT NOW HELP

“Congratulations,” Pat texted.

WILL YOU COME OVER AND GET RID OF IT FOR ME

Well. I didn’t think it was too much of an ask. Pat is only about a half hour from my house if traffic is light. Pat has boarded whaling ships on the open seas and chained herself to the harpoon. Pat has been arrested for piracy. Pat could totally unsnap my rat, bag it, drop it in my garbage can, and be back home with her feet up in time for afternoon tea, is what I was thinking.

46 years ago I was sitting in the living room of my new house, talking on the phone with my friend Katie, when I saw a tiny mouse dash across the floor in the kitchen. I was two years out from my lab job at which I personally dispatched hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds) of mice, with my bare hands, for shit wages, so my reaction was predictable. I screamed like a little girl and pulled my feet up on the couch. One wild house mouse had turned me into a cartoon character. I’m not proud of this, or all the prior mouse dispatchment, either.

Katie was wise. “Okay,” she said, smoothly, after I quit screaming into the receiver, “I want you to walk into that kitchen. You walk right in there and look around and then come back and tell me you’ve done it.” The phone was attached to the wall on a leash then, children. Look it up.

Anyway, Katie wanted to make sure I could still get to the beer refrigerator. That is a true friend.

Soon enough I learned how to set traps. And unsnap the results. I believe the next stage of my road to maturity involved cleaning up after myself so the entire mousedom of Portland wasn’t booking tours in my house.

But I had a serious lack of interest in disposing of this rat.

Pat texted ideas and suggestions. Rubber gloves. A rod to slip under the snappy part so it doesn’t get my finger. Throwing away the rat, trap and all. (I’m too cheap for that.) I wasn’t paying attention: I had ideas too. They involved getting a neighbor. Or calling the fire department. The fireman would have to bend over to do the deed, I’m thinking. I’m thinking hard.

The thing is, if my neighbor came over and said she couldn’t bring herself to unsnap a dead rat, I would totally go over there with a plastic bag and roll my eyes and take care of it like a big girl. I know this. But this was my rat. My rat would suddenly come to life as soon as I touched the trap. My rat would shriek and then I would launch it into space. I decided to not think about my rat, because maybe somebody would drop by later.

No one dropped by later.

Pat commenced sending me a series of AI-generated pictures of rats in heaven, an exercise she characterized as “helping.” She said she’d be happy to do the deed herself, except that then she’d end up in a blog post.

Heh heh.

Finally I pulled myself together, pretended I was my own neighbor, rolled my eyes at myself, and popped the rat into a plastic bag and out to the garbage can. It was a very handsome rat. I didn’t think to check the sex, so it will have to be a “they.” And I can tell people I caught them and took them out to the garbage, and people will think I dispatched a bunch of them.

Like a big girl.