I rarely have that empty feeling.
I eat too much ice cream for that. And my brainpan is too full of metaphor ingredients to make room for bleakness. Evidently, though, I should be experiencing a pervading sense of purposelessness. For I am no good to the world unless I have pushed out a new little human.
There’s a shortage, you know. My goodness, there are still a few places left with humanage insufficient to destroy the environment, and it is up to us women to make sure the planet is ever more thickly pasted with people. It takes all of us working together, because only a blessed few of us are able to produce litters, and many hands make light work. Which is instructive, because I have never really understood how light works.
It is truly a miracle how an entirely new human can arise inside a woman without her even intending it. In fact, that happens a lot. She doesn’t even have to be conscious, truth be told. And it’s a good thing, too, because if women could choose when or if to have children, and how many to produce, there wouldn’t be as many children, and the women would go on to lead miserable, pointless lives.
No one wants that.
JD Vance has suggested that spawning prowess is so vital to the nation that mothers should have more votes than childless women. He reasons that people without children have no investment in the future, whereas the fabulously fertile can be counted on to vote for unsustainable fossil fuel consumption, expensive health care, and no social safety net, and maybe he’s right. It’s hard to think straight when you’re knee-deep in rug rats.
Anyway, it’s a great idea. A woman with five children gets six votes. Conceivably, a man could get 300 million votes per ejaculation. Sometimes he just creams his shorts with those votes, though, so let’s knock that down to a slim million or so.
Dave and I should probably have our votes withdrawn retroactively. We are not only childless, but avoided having children in manner some people might term aggressive. We felt there was far too much danger our offspring would turn out something like us, and besides, as Dave always said, you can’t make babies with spit.
Mr. Vance also contends that there is still some value to the post-menopausal woman because she can take care of grandchildren. Of course, she’d already have contributed to the population to get grandchildren out of the deal, so it’s a relief that he does not believe she should be summarily executed once her womanliness peters out. Besides, she still has value to the incontinence-pad industry. I imagine that even those of us afflicted with voluntary barrenness could be recruited to take care of other people’s children, although that is often not an activity high on the list of women who choose not to procreate.
If the full measure of a citizen’s worth is found in her uterus, what is a man worth? Not much, I’m thinking. Unless he devotes himself to taking care of all the children. It would give him purpose, and it only seems fair.
I came across an explanation as to why Republicans oppose IVF (remember, they refused to vote for a bill that would have guaranteed access to reproductive health care, and made it more affordable). (Reminder, believe what they do, not what they say.)
It’s that women, using IVF, can CHOOSE when to start or add to their families. They can freeze eggs, then prioritize their financial security or college education or career or even a relationship, possibly even marriage, until such time as they feel prepared and able to have and support children.
This is the nightmare scenario for a lot of white men.
It is truly incredible. They hate women having any power or agency over their own lives. I have to type it again because I still cannot believe it.
That might indeed be behind a lot of this or most of this, but it’s also true that if you are dead-set against abortion for moral reasons, and you are consistent, you must be against IVF, because of the number of embryos created and ultimately destroyed. Personally, I’m a big fan. Of the A-word.
Looking for my gravatar…
It’s me, or is it
Thanks for speaking up for women who have chosen not to have children.
I married a man who had 3 young children. Their mother was in and out of mental institutions, detox, prison, and halfway houses until she disappeared from their lives entirely leaving their father with sole custody. I became a full-time stepmother.
A year or so after our wedding, when all 5 of us were figuring out how to be a family, my husband and I decided not to have more children. So I never gave birth. My step-kids ARE my kids. My step-grands ARE my grandchildren.
It is offensive beyond belief that this country is offering for VP a candidate who would declare me useless and our family meaningless.
It is an outrage.
Here in Murrmurrs Inc., we think you’re plumb terrific.
I’m a spay and/or neuter advocate.
I’d add euthanasia, but that’s a shot too far in this country.
I don’t have any children. A woman once challenged me on that, asking how I knew. It’s easy if you only have sex with one woman and she doesn’t get pregnant.
I have helped to raise a few of my nieces and nephews.
And I’m sure they’re better off for it.
I’m a childless bird lady. I NEVER wanted to have kids, even as an adolescent or teen. People with kids looked very tired and unhappy. Plus, there was what it puts a woman’s body through! For a lot of men, that was a hard NO on having a deeper relationship. Until I met Paul, who also didn’t want kids.
During my teen years, I remember the media discussing the population explosion. That was another good reason not to have kids. Then I read about the Malthusian Theory: that increases in resources, like food supply, could never keep up with population growth, as resources grow arithmetically, but population grows exponentially. You NEVER read anything about the population explosion anymore. Instead, they are telling us all that we aren’t replacing ourselves fast enough. And then, there is global warming. Would I really want to bring a child into this world? Would I want to grow up in a world like this? FUCK, NO!
And just because I never had kids doesn’t mean that I don’t care about what happens to this planet. It’s just that I don’t give a shit about the HUMAN component. I care about the planet itself, the creatures on it (especially birds!), and the plant life. And frankly, they would all be better off without us. And even if we completely destroy it… it WILL regenerate. Other life will evolve, just as it did during previous extinctions. And they will adapt to the new climate.
I just hope that there will still be birds.
Weirdly, we are now at a less-than-replacement rate, worldwide. And most countries are bemoaning that because it wrecks their Ponzi schemes, I mean economies.
Ponzi schemes, yeeah. As in Social Security.
Mimi Anderly, couldn’t agree more. I care about the planet. If humanity was culled down to a reasonable number it would do everyone a world of good. And I too hope there will still be birds.
Hey, they survived the previous extinction, and evolved from the dinosaurs! Maybe they will survive and evolve again and become the new dominant life form. (I call dibs on what to call them: Crow Magnon.)
Elizabeth Kolbert, writing in “The Sixth Extinction,” ventures a guess that the niches made available by our disappearance will be filled by evolving rats.
“I’d name him Barren…” Love it!
You handled a difficult subject with humor and truth. I am still debating who is funnier, you or JD? (easy answer)
I wish I had his eyelashes though.
You do realize he comes with those eyelashes…a full, total and in some ways incomplete JD.
You can always *buy* eyelashes like his. But he will never be able to acquire the wit and common sense that you have!
I was just thinking that I don’t even have enough eyelashes to glue eyelashes on.
We ARE breeding ourselves into extinction. I wonder about life in China right now with mandatory population control – one child per family. Since they prioritized male offspring, is there now a dire shortage of suitable wives? And yes, population control does wreck the Ponzi scheme.
They quit that policy a few years back–now you can have two children, but apparently nobody wants that many!
In America there is a great need for foster and adoptive parents, particularly for sibling groups and older children (teens). Every time I read or hear someone who is against abortion speak I wonder how many of them have adopted or become foster parents. And where are the resources (child care) for all the children? The fantasy that one parent can provide for a family went out the window a long time ago. Thanks for an excellent essay!!
I think that child care is supposed to come from me, an old childless cat lady. I’m signing right up. Doggone it, my pen is always running out of ink.
Please ignore this comment.
What comment?
I’m not sure that the destruction of the human race is a good outcome to wish for or tout. I’m quite fond of the whole lot. We are the only specie capable of self loathing, afterall. And I’m quite impressed by my two daughters, sons inlaw, and four grandchildren, all of whom are far more oriented to problem solving and public service than I ever was!