I don’t even know how it happened. For decades we Oregon voters have successfully fought off self-service gas stations every time the issue came up for a vote, and all of a sudden, now we have self-service gas. The legislature finally realized the people weren’t going to vote for it so they rammed it through by themselves, picking this one issue to discover bipartisan accord. And the thing was done.
Those ballot measures were getting closer and closer all the time, and it was always just a matter of reaching a tipping point of immigrants from other states to seal the deal anyway. “I’ve been stinking up my clothes and hunching over in the pouring rain my whole life for the freedom to exercise my unpaid labor,” they growled, “and I’m not about to stop now.” Besides, proponents insisted, there will be a requirement for gas stations to have at least one employee personning the pumps. Everybody wins.
The first time post-ramming I needed gas, I drove in to my usual station with a scowl all lined up. But there was someone there, and he did pump my gas, with a smile, too, although now it occurred to me for the first time that maybe I was expected to tip him. The second time I went in, I pulled up and blinked amiably and waited for my guy.
No guy.
He might have been there, somewhere, as required, but he wasn’t there-enough to materialize at my window. I gave it several minutes and then gave in.
Problem is, I have tried to pump my own gas maybe ten times in my life, all told, and it has never gone smoothly. Never ever. The routine is different every time, just like card readers at the store, so that each effort is a tiny IQ test, and my stellar SAT scores don’t seem to factor in at all. Every time it’s a new tableau of me looking like an idiot in front of the pump and then meekly looking around for help, like a pup who’s lost her owner at the park.
I studied the instructions from my seat. They were visibly new and shiny, and there were eight steps, and I studied them until I thought I could do this thing without anyone noticing anything untoward. Then I got out and stuck in my credit card. Everything went smoothly until step eight. That’s where the actual gas is supposed to come out.
I put the nozzle in and squeezed the handle. Nothing. Oh: I needed to stick it in farther. Then the gas came out. I let go of the handle because it’s supposed to go on its own, but it quit immediately. I squeezed again, let go again, it quit again.
Well, maybe, I thought, what I needed to do was to slide the nozzle deep into my tank-hole and pull it out again and back in and back out and back in, until a burst of fossil fuel fountained out, but by then there were too many witnesses.
Finally I just kept it squoze, and a bunch of gas whooshed into the tank, but I didn’t know if the automatic shut-off thing would happen while my hand was on the trigger, and I suddenly visualized a torrent of stinky gas blurping out of my tank and onto the ground—which would clean up the bird shit on that portion of my car, but that was the only selling point—and I panicked and quit. I had 3/4 of a tank and was good to go for another few months, but I would like to register my complaint.
It’s going to start raining, hard and constantly, in another month, and I hope every newcomer to the state and all those legislators have a moment to think about what they’ve done. This whole state is a big wet spot.
We’ve had self-service gas here in Delaware most of my life. Once you get the hang of it, it’s easy. Have someone who knows how to do it show you as they are pumping their gas.
There is a little serrated looking thing on the inside of the pump handle. Once you squeeze the trigger, you can adjust it to where it catches on the serrated part, and you no longer have to stand there and squeeze it. It will “uncatch” automatically when the tank is full. You’ll get the hang of it, Murr! Since you don’t drive often, it may take several tries.
But, I, too, miss the attendants pumping gas, cleaning the windshield, and checking your oil. New Jersey still has them, and cheaper gas as well. Now I have to do all that stuff myself. Plus check out and bag my own groceries and bring my own bags to do it. We seem to have a DIY economy now.
Yeah, although my record is not good, even I believe I can learn to do this. But I resent it a lot. I still have never done self-service at a checkout line. It ain’t right.
Maybe not. However, since they have just a couple cashiers (with long lines) and 8 self-checks… I do that. I buy very few items at a “grocery store.” Mainly cleaning products and paper products. I prefer to shop at my local farm market and farmers market. Of course, a grocery store is the only place I can buy Wyman’s frozen wild blueberries and Dave’s Killer Bread, plus some canned goods, olive oil, and condiments. I try to stock up so that I don’t have to go as often.
Years back when I was still working, I’d had a horrible packed day at the office full of demands and issues, and I was almost down to fumes when I stopped for gas on the way home. (Self-serve of course.) While the gas was filling, I got busy responding to texts and emails from work, then I replaced the nozzle and drove away. I shortly discovered that I was still on empty. I had never started pumping at all. What a waste of time.
Now THAT sounds like something I’d do. Only I wouldn’t be on my phone, I’d be looking at some bird.
That’s the way I felt my first time at a bottle recycling place in Albany (Oregon). I was completely out of my element. A very kind … (just say it, Carolyn) … bum stepped up and asked me if I needed help and I was quick to accept it. Nobody paid to work there had shown the slightest interest in me or my dilemma! When the process was over I found my savior in the parking lot and gave him a gift card for a nearby fast-food joint that I had on hand.
Oh good for you!!!!
This is positively surreal to me. I knew New Jersey had full service, I didn’t know Oregon had it too. Here in PA the last time I saw an attendant fill our tank (and wash our windshield and check the oil) was at a Boron station around 1969-1970 when I was 9 years old. Self service never made sense, all it takes is one forgetful yahoo with a lit cigarette hanging from his lip or some nutcase with a death wish. And for the record, I’ve never tested letting the nozzle fill my tank unattended and auto-shut off; I have no idea if that works!
Yup–used to be just NJ and us. That’s another thing. We liked being special.
Doug, it does.
You’ve all already named my native state as being a full service domain. My parents live in PA which is self serve, so I’ve figured out how to pump on my own. Plus I worked at a gas station for one day and also am a keen observer, which means I know all about setting up the nozzle to go. Quite often I finish the pumping by myself or will get out and take care of things if the thing clicks off early.
I’ve only tried to pump gas in NJ by myself once from start to finish. I’d pumped at that particular brand of station in PA and how different could it possibly be?
I was at a station with the laziest, most inattentive attendants ever. I know this for a fact as it was my station of choice because of proximity to work and the low price.
This one morning I decided to take things into my own hands. I’d seen other people do it there and knew the attendants didn’t give a rats ass.
I’m not sure what I did wrong, but I couldn’t get it past a certain point and in the end I had to grab an attendant by the ear and drag him over to get things started.
Ah, Bruce! This comment made me laugh my ass off! Thank you for that, as i sorely needed that today. Why did I laugh, more innocent minds may ask? Because I have a filthy mind, which automatically makes comments hilarious in a certain context. OMG! Best moment of my day! 💋 MWAH!
Well, you’ve made my day too! I’m muddling through the death of my best friend (Friday night) and trying to find a bright spot.
I like pumping my own gas and I like checking out my own groceries. When things go wrong at the self check (which they will) I enjoy commiserating with the checkout attendant. I know what will trip up the machine, but not why and I like the opportunity to be a nice patient customer and interact with another human being.
Bruce — can we just pause here a moment.
because the death of your friend matters.
Sincere condolences.
<3
Oh Bruce, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend! You have cyber friends out here that love you.
New York forbids the serrated looking things so we have to stand there. Except on the Reservation. They have sprightly attendants. Also cigars, cigarettes, weed…
I miss the guys in overalls with their names stitched on the pocket and the little hat and the windshield cleaning and the oil checking and the free Sinclair soap shaped like a dinosaur.
I learned about then the hard way. I was going somewhere in Oregon from Malheur NWR.. I like to get to my destinations at dawn, for the photographer”s light, so I started off about 3A . I stopped in Burns, a town 40 miles away, to get gas. But the station was closed AND THE PUMPS WERE LOCKED. Then I remembered you had that DAMM labs.
I worked in the Columbian Gorge abd found gas was cheaper in Oregon, than Washington, So I would cross the river and have to remember I had to wait on an attendant. Believe me, you will love it.
Conversely, Marilyn, whenever I (an Oregonian) drove into Washington and stopped for gas, it wasn’t unusual for me to sit in my car … wondering when the attendant was going to finally come out.
Hate self sere no matter what state- too many fumes on shoes and clothes and hands.
I will not love it, I will resent it but bear up with dignity, and while I’m here (I come here often) let me say I have never waited an unreasonable amount of time to have an attendant pop by. I enjoy living in a slower world anyway.
Wow. I grew up seeing attendants pumping gas, cleaning windshields, etc. But then I moved away, and only a couple years ago moved back. I’ve been pumping my own gas for decades, and have never seen anyone blow up the station with a cigarette, or any such think. It’s pretty simple.
This seems like one of those things that falls under the category of “It’s the idea we don’t like, so the reality can’t be good”.
You’ll get used to it.
Although it does make for another funny blog post, Grant you that.
The “blowing up the station” thing was always just a front. But we (royal we) DON’T like the idea and don’t see why we have to farm out good jobs to our unpaid selves.
I used to dread getting gas because I was going to have to pretend to be a regular guy, and make regular guy conversation with the attendant. I’d put it off till the last possible moment, when the car was running on the memory of yesterday’s fumes…
Now I just notice the car needs gas, pull into a station and fill it and go. It’s so wonderful! The process is totally under my control and takes a fraction of the time it used to.
I realize that I’m part of making the hellscape of modern America, by being socially dysfunctional and unwilling to put in the work to keep society glued together, but I’m afraid this is me, and always has been. I’d much rather do it myself.
“…memories of yesterday’s fumes…”
So good!
I too would rather DIY than have to interact with society in general. I’m not entirely sure I WANT to be the glue that holds what passes for society together these days!
Fear not, Dale and Carolyn, I talk with strangers enough for the three of us!
The first time I ever saw a self-serve pump was in the 1960’s. I was somewhere in upstate NY with a car full of my fellow teens, and the car was running on vapor. There wasn’t a humanoid in sight, but the pump had a little drawer that actually accepted bills. We were delighted.
In California (or at least in my part of the state) all pumps have vapor return systems, with seals at the nozzle. I have found that they often refuse to start, but I can remedy that by either taking the offending nozzle out and pointing it at the ground while a couple of drops from the last customer fall out, or putting the nozzle in the fill pipe and lifting the handle up as if I were trying to point the stream more downward. Those vapor return systems are very touchy.
Last thought: Two or three decades ago, when we had already had pay-at-the-pump for many years, Shell started an ad campaign in which they pretended they had just invented pay-at-the-pump. That was bizarre.
Mark me down in favor of you guys pointing the stream downward.
Preferably toward the INSIDE of the bowl.
I’ll just sit and skip the aiming problem altogether. When I’m at home and would have to clean up the spatter myself, anyway.
Australia has been self service for decades, another reason to be glad I don’t have a car and go everywhere by bus if it’s too far to walk.
I HAVE a car. It doesn’t get out much.
My bike gets 35 miles to the burrito. Often self serve.
So, it also runs on gas.
YOU GUYS
I have pumped my own forever and a day, and I’m sure you’ll be fine soon. My only concern is if there are no roofs over your gas pumps! Almost every station I’ve gone to has them, except i guess the nice little Mom n Pop stations ☹️
Well actually that’s not my only concern. I am so mad at these states taking the will of the voters and stomping all over it. As far as I’m concerned, when the voters actually make their opinion known, that should be LAW. If Oregon wants to have manned gas pumps, they should have manned gas pumps. Grrrrrrrrr
There’s also something about these losses that gets to me. It’s a steady erosion. I don’t wish we could go back in time and we’ve gotten a lot better about a lot of things, but once things go, whether they should or not, they’re gone for good.
Safety tips from the East Coast (US):
1. To deter theft – Take keys out of the ignition, click the doors locked, and put keys in your pocket while fueling.
2. Don’t get distracted staring at the pump, watching the numbers count up. Keep an eye on your surroundings.
3. In the past, thieves have successfully placed credit card “skimmers” into the card slots on pumps. To avoid a security breach, pay with a contact-free chipped card.
“Click the doors locked”
You haven’t met my car. On the plus side, no one wants to steal it.
Great post (as usual) Murr. It took me a bit to get used to self-serve. Seemed like every station had pumps that worked differently than any others I had already figured out. I, however, refuse to use self-checkouts at stores of any kind. I don’t like the fact that they have put people (except the customer) out of work.
And can I say, again, that you have the BEST commenters I’ve read anywhere!
I know, right?
So one of the delightful variations on this (in OR) is that there can be as much as a 35-50 cent difference in the cost of gas if credit cards are used for self pumping. For 35-50 cents/gal this price conscious cheapskate will go stand in line to give the in- the- station cashier the approx number of bucks necessary for a fill-up. STAND IN LINE. I always try to under-fill cuz s if one overpays then it’s a return trip to the LINE.
It was said that the main reason for self pumping was that they couldn’t find employees to hire to be gas jockeys. HMM. I call that “profits” Just like in grocery stores……. just singing along with half the choir here. I hate it, it’s not faster and it’s not cheaper.
Exactly! I always estimate how much gas i will need, and how much it will cost to fill the tank. (After decades of doing this, I’m usually on the mark.) I pay in cash, because I know about the “credit card skimmers”. And, yeah, I’m sure that they could find people to do this, but it’s more lucrative for them to do self-serve. Just as with the food stores.
That being said, I do actually prefer doing it myself. It’s so much faster to pay in cash, pump my gas, and get the hell outta there. And at food stores, if I go to a checker — even when bringing a shitload of my own bags — they overfill them and i have lots of empty bags left over. Maybe THEY can lift these mofos — but I’m older and have arthritis. I prefer to bag my own, as i know how much I can lift. AND I don’t put the bread under heavier items, or put lots of glass bottles together so that they can conceivably break in my car. Causing on XVOO spill. Which can only be cleaned up with red wine vinegar, garlic, anchovies, and romaine lettuce. Maybe a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese for good measure.
There isn’t a grocery checker in the world who is worse at it than I am.
Oh Murr, so sorry to hear this. So here in NJ we are the last holdouts. I am 71 years old and have never, not once, pumped my own gas. And proud of it! I never understand why people prefer to do it themselves. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time for us as well. Sad.
Hang on, Mimi! Hang on! (PS: I was considering waiting until tomorrow to reply to your comment so I could say I’m 71 too!)
Happy Birthday!
Yes, Happy Birthday, but I thought you were 70 today, so I will correct my calendar.
I agree… I hate self serve and I love my attendants that fill my tank. I even buy fresh honey on the side from one of them. And even get the windshield washed if they aren’t busy!
Indeed, every card reader seems to be different and the embarrassment is awful with every pause that requires the clerk to help me out. Now, let’s see, where is that darn little fish-like image…?