I was startled to learn the other day that the state of Oregon classified beavers as predators.

Seems to me the Cottonwood Lobby has gotten a little big for its corporate britches. Or maybe it’s a union issue. Maybe Amalgamated Pond Scum teamed up with the International Brotherhood of Willows. Because unless I miss my bet, beavers don’t eat meat. Not even fish. Not even by accident. They stalk stalks.

I like beavers. I’m favorably inclined toward chunky animals anyway, but beavers have the most amazing impact on the environment of anyone. The Army Corps of Engineers only wishes it could do what a passel of beavers can do, even without taking a bite out of the federal budget. If, for instance, you were interested in flood control, you could invite a family of beavers and have a nice working sustainable wetland situation in no time, or you could hire the ACE for a few billion dollars to do a bunch of squiggly math and pour a bunch of concrete and put all the water where you want it to be, for a few years, until it all goes to hell and you’ve sent all your topsoil into the ocean and maybe drowned a few thousand poor people and the water goes back to where it wanted to be all along.

So, beavers. Hardly anyone is making hats out of them anymore, which is what nearly wiped them out altogether a while back.The reason they were classified as predators was it was a tidy way of putting them in a category where you could kill them and not have to tell anybody.

In fact, all rodents in Oregon are classified as predators, even though the most predaceous of them chomp grubs. The point isn’t to be biologically accurate about beaver diets, but to allow private citizens to get rid of beavers that are busy mitigating wildfire and flooding and sequestering carbon and creating salmon habitat and stuff like that. Especially if they’re doing it on land they had other plans for. Calling beavers predators is like calling immigrants criminals and rapists. Accuracy isn’t the point: being able to harass or kill them is the point.

But it didn’t really seem like the right policy for Oregon which is, after all, the Beaver State, and even has the only two-sided state flag, with a beaver on the flip side. And sure enough, the rule was recently revised. As of June 14, the beaver has been reclassified as a “furbearer,” which means, according to the state, it has value, and can no longer be slain with impunity on private lands.

Well. Value. There is no official state classification recognizing the immense ecological value of our biggest rodent, so the ability to have your pelt ground up as felt for Stetson hats will have to do for value.

I have my own problems with beavers but even that boils down to respect. Pro tip: if you tromp through a beaver pond to count frog eggs, and who hasn’t done that, always poke at the bottom of the pond with a stick, because beavers create their own highway system of trenches and you can easily find your entire self underwater with one false step. Perhaps it was just this sort of thing that got them saddled with the “predator” slur, but in my experience no large rodent shows up to finish you off.

Currently, if you’re a private landowner in Oregon with a beaver that you feel has gotten out of hand, you may not destroy the beaver without a permit. Although you can get permission from the state to forgo the permit, without even acing the essay portion.