Without a doubt every one of you has heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Usually this tidbit is attributed to Albert Einstein because Morgan Freeman’s quote file is full and no one remembers Andy Rooney. Einstein never said it, though, and probably didn’t believe it. I know I don’t.
Even as a kid I’d try to get away with things without having my mom and dad find out and they’d always find out and I’d just keep trying, and then one day I got away with something. I don’t remember what, but it was a seminal moment for a young person whose operating principle was expediency. “You were the child who always said ‘Yes Ma’am’ and ‘No Ma’am’ and then went ahead and did whatever you wanted to anyway,” my mom told me, once I’d gotten old enough she wasn’t responsible for me anymore. Kept a lot from her then, too.
In the digital age, the old saw clearly is not true. The actual definition of insanity is a permanent condition of a disordered mind. And although navigating the digital age is certifiably crazy-making for old people who grew up at a time when cause-and-effect was more readily discernible, when the air wasn’t swarming with pixels and bytes, it is rarely permanent. If nothing else, we’ll forget about it when someone gets things working again.
The first time I saw creative insanity in action, I was having some kind of problem with my new computer. I had my neighbor Beth come over. She’s both younger and smarter than me. I explained the problem and she sat down and commenced punching keys.
“I tried that already,” I said, but she wasn’t listening. She was muttering to herself.
“Oh, I don’t THINK so,” she was saying, before punching the same keys again. Same result.
“Oh, I don’t THINK so,” she said. Punch. And again. And again. Until suddenly, Wallah! as neither of us would have said—the desired result shot out of the ether and onto my document. To this day “to Beth” is a working verb in our house, and it means “to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.”
Of course, those were the early days of personal computers, when they could smell fear and punish timidity. When I sat at my computer, my computer would giddyap and then head straight over to a low branch to scrape me off. When Beth saddled up, she put some spurs to it.
I don’t have so many problems with my computer now. The flat screens don’t have room for extra attitude. But card readers at the store are a different matter. For one thing, they’re all different. I try to study them while I’m still in line so when it’s my turn I don’t look like the old lady rummaging around her purse for her checkbook once she gets the tab. Do I swipe my card up the side? Jam it in the butt end? Impale it from the top? Or—worse—is this the kind I just wave my card at like I’m casting a spell? I hate those. Apparently I wave wrong.
But once I have it sussed out, I should be good to go. Except when it doesn’t work.
This is not a new problem. Dave and I still fondly remember when our credit card’s magnetic stripe punked out forty years ago. We’d handed it to the clerk to run, who burst out laughing when she read off her machine. “It says this card is ‘unbearable,’” she said. And it was.
Anyway yesterday at the grocery store the machine didn’t like my card no matter how I stroked it or rammed it. And I knew perfectly well that this was the card in an intimate relationship with my money. It could suck money out like nobody’s business. “It always sucked before,” I told the clerk, who did not look edified.
But I Bethed it. I squared up to the machine and probed like an alien. Again. And again. And finally it reared up and snorted and galloped off to my financial institution. That might be insane.
But it’s just what I expected.
Hilarious 😂 What a wordsmith!
It’s another example of the innate malice of the inanimate.
That’s got a ring to it!
What my mom used to call “the cussedness of things.” I never found out if she was quoting someone.
I’m in trouble when I’m reassured by your blogging about the same crazy-making stuff that makes me crazy. Next thing I’ll be trying to blog again, and nobody wants that.
Everyone needs a little Mature Landscaping.
I still try to use mental hoodoo on electronic or mechanical stuff. “C’mon, baby! Do this for Momma!”
You mean, swearing at it doesn’t work?
Sometimes swearing works. Seems arbitrary, though.
I totally relate. Ever since we got the fancy new cards with chips and stuff like that we can’t figure out how to pay for anything!
I can usually figure it out in less time than it used to take to trudge to the bank and stand in line for cash.
OMG! Not only was I the CHILD that said “yes ma’am and no ma’am”, but I did that to the nuns throughout grade school, and my “bosses” while I was working. As a child and a teen, I WAS trying to get away with stuff. But as an adult in the workplace, I most often had a better idea of how to do things than they, as “managers” with no experience as an actual “worker” did. So I would just say, “okie dokie,” And do it their way for one day. Then, I would go on doing things my way. And they wouldn’t notice, because they were busy micro-managing someone else by then.
I’m not necessarily proud of this assessment of my childhood ethics (which I still have) but it sure seems like I was born with it.
g r e a t, Murr… keep thrusting and probing👏👏❣️
Oh, now, Reynolds, this is a family-friendly blog. JUST KIDDING!
I thought this was to be a post about underwear (’tis the season, after all), but a little digging brought to light the fact that I’d mixed up Margaret with Beth.
Shortly after my dad got his first real computer and had my brother over to help him set it up, he told me that after listening to the whole set-up process, it turned out he knew more computer language than he thought he knew!
Also, my big project tomorrow is to uncase our tower and see if I can figure out why it no longer recognizes anything plugged into the audio jack. The Big Chorus Show has been performed, so now it’s back to the Real World and its problems. Gonna dust off some of that computer language that comes so easily to the tongue….
But you’re all prepared for Margaret Day! Good for you! I always post it on the day of, but I can’t remember if I do it here or just on Facebook.
It must be here too, ’cause I don’t do Facebook (and have the T-shirt proclaiming as much).
An advantage attempting to use a card reader when one (THIS one) has white-ish hair and rides a mobility device is the sweet look of a clerk and the “oh dear let me help you; it’s okay.” The help is grand; getting the scooter and my short arms close enough has me screaming “citizens arrest – it’s not ADA compliant.” It’s the condescension in some voices conveying my idiocy. Thanks for letting me know they’re different – card readers.
Or, differently-abled card readers.
I’m not a big fan of “paywave” either because I see people waving their cards and having no luck because what you are supposed to do is actually touch the card to the screen or just hold it above for a second. Waving it across is too fast for the screen to pick it up.
Yeah, I haven’t gotten it right twice in a row yet so I never know WHAT I did that worked.
Sounds like how I dust: wave the duster in front of the furniture to be dusted and yell “Expelliarmus, dust!” It probably wouldn’t work any better for a credit card.
Quite right, Einstein didn’t say it. But he DID tell us there is no ether.
There is now.
Are you huffing diethyl ether?
Spouse and I made up a holiday season budget to plan our spending. First item: $85 for a live tree. Yesterday we trudged out to the tree place and parted with $150 for that tree. Came home and crossed out that number on the spreadsheet.
Last year we drove to 4 or 5 places, got depressed and irritable that there was no decent looking affordable inventory, wasted a whole entire afternoon criss-crossing the county, burned a lot of gas, and ended up at a creepy haunted backyard where we found a $60 tree but got away with our lives.
As we were leaving, the proprietor said, “You look like a happy couple.”
You mean, the kind he was holding prisoner in an underground bunker behind his ancient barn?
You’re wondering how this relates to the topic of your post. Well, it’s the budget. In 35 years, we’ve made dozens and they never work.
I WAS kind of wondering that. I’ve never made a budget. That does not speak well of me, but I also never went into debt, so that’s something. (Mortgages excluded.)
I shouldn’t have read your posting because as I got to the end my connection to the internet went away. Did it know we were talking about things that wouldn’t work?
Repeat after me: “No, I don’t THINK so.” Aaaaand repeat.