One place where “blue” and “on the right” are both true
Find the big blue lake. That was our task. It was big! It was blue! [...]
There’s a suckee born every minute
When I was little I was afraid of dodge ball, the flying monkeys in The [...]
Erections have consequences: Big Pete is livin’ the dream
War Secretary Pete Hegseth bounded onto the stage in front of a flag as big [...]
How to disguise clickbait so that no one will ever click on it
A while back, in the days before I joined Substack, I was having trouble posting [...]
Don’t judge me until you’ve encountered an attack squash
I have a startle response that won’t quit. If I could pair my startle response [...]
The President has been mocked! Round up the usual suspects.
It’s startling to wake up and find out we’re at war. Or at least that [...]
The Pati-uh-oh
I thought we could put a nice patio just out the back door. For one [...]
Imperialists in the salvia patch
I was leaving for a few weeks, so I recruited the neighbors to water my [...]
No Toto? You might as well be wiping your butt with a corn cob
I don’t ask a lot of a toilet. A basic working toilet is good enough [...]
Don’t make yourself comfortable. We’ll do it for you.
It was the tagline for The Cushion Lab that drew me in: “Turning sitting into [...]
Armpit pudding, and the problem of containment
Fifteen years ago I wrote about going bra shopping because I, and every other woman [...]
It’s either shooting out one end, or it’s all shrunk up
I got an urgent message from amazon regarding a purchase I made. Which surprised me, [...]
Geezer Olympics, here I come
It was definitely a matter of some gravity, but at least it wasn’t a grave [...]
Getting a little head in the garden
I’ve been pretty excited about my garlic. This is the second year I’ve grown garlic [...]
In a world of creepily perfect smiles, my teeth really stand out. And sideways.
One of these is not like the others. I’m not sure how much [...]