Geezer Olympics, here I come
It was definitely a matter of some gravity, but at least it wasn’t a grave [...]
Getting a little head in the garden
I’ve been pretty excited about my garlic. This is the second year I’ve grown garlic [...]
In a world of creepily perfect smiles, my teeth really stand out. And sideways.
One of these is not like the others. I’m not sure how much [...]
It’s quite fashionable. In Dorktown
If you ask the internet “What causes dry eye,” you are liable to come up [...]
You can’t have crisis intervention until you have crisis invention
What with rules and regs and civil rights and all, it might seem like our [...]
Ideally, eyeballs should not be flaky
I’m not sure how many nights in a row I tried to blink the crud [...]
You should never take Maine for granite
One thing you notice about Maine is that everywhere you look, giant humpbacked masses of [...]
I may be igneant, but I never metamorphic I didn’t like
Me and friend on a proper volcano One of the reasons I tend [...]
And Brewster’s Warbler is now the golden-winged blue-winged bastard bird
The American Ornithological Society has committed to changing the English names of birds named after [...]
HEY! Get off of my spawn!
Before I even thought of getting out of bed, I knew that we had a [...]
I am not motivated to bomb an airplane I’m on
I haven’t flown for a while. I have no idea what regulations have been loosened [...]
Basically, they’re round pegs in a square hole
The climate has gone haywire. The world is at war. People are depressed. And one [...]
You think YOU have a hard life.
Poor old Priapus lived a hard life. He was known for his permanent, enormous erection, [...]
How to accessorize your penis
People leave us things in our garden. A stone with a beautiful monarch butterfly painted [...]
Money isn’t real
Anytime you see a number with a bazillion zeroes after it, you have to wonder [...]