Faithful readers will recall I can ignore bad news for a very long time. Such as visible, glaring water damage on the house that I refused to acknowledge for years until a flowering plant grew out of the siding on the second story. That calculated obliviousness cost me about $12,000. So it was way worse, probably, than the rat situation.
Been a few months now that I’ve suspected we have at least one rat in the house. There were scurrying noises. Not little mousies scurrying with they tiny feet, either. This was substantial, urgent scurrying. Every now and then there were turds. Looked rat-sized, really, but I would google it and get out the tape measure and try really hard to imagine it was just a large mouse, or a backed-up mouse.
One day I saw the plastic lid on my kibble canister had been chewed nearly-off, overnight. I came to the proper conclusion. That sent me into phase two of my procrastination protocol: simple dithering, with occasional forays into the internet as a substitute for action.
I landed on the bucket trap. The bucket trap is a great way to get rid of a lot of mice at once, or (it says here) five rats. You lure your targets up a ramp to the top of the bucket where it is tricked into falling in. Then you can take your pot o’ rodents far away and let them loose and tell yourself you’re going straight to heaven. Or if, like me, you’re more interested in sending your rodents to heaven, you can fill the bucket 2/3 full of water.
I am not that precious about life and death, in general, but I am averse to suffering. I’ve been known to flick off mosquitoes. But, from what I hear, drowning is a pretty good and quick way to go, except for the panicky part just before. I don’t know how existentially challenged rats get. Maybe they swim, just because, and get tired and five seconds later it’s all over. At any rate, I filled my bucket with water. First night, the little sucker got the peanut butter first thing and backed away before tipping into the sea. And hasn’t visited since.
I bought a couple snap traps.
My neighbor suggested I peanut-butter the trap without setting it so the rat loses its sense of caution, because rats are smarter than we are. That seemed like a great idea, not least because it put off the day I would have to actually set the trap, which is terrifying. Those springs are really tight and you always think you’re going to trap yourself in the act of setting it, plus they’re so loud when they snap that I would scream first and check to see if my finger was still attached later. I hate setting traps.
One week in, no interest in the peanut butter. Then one day I noticed it was licked clean! Huh! Well, probably a good idea to bait it without setting it one more time, right? Another week went by. Then the peanut butter disappeared. The moment of reckoning was fast approaching. Still, I put it out of my mind for my own mental protection. I locked it in the same filing cabinet with the incoming administration.
And then I noticed the ramekin. I had a ramekin full of toasted walnuts that was supposed to go on a salad and didn’t. It was on the dining room table. For days. And then one day it was empty. Dave didn’t eat them. I didn’t eat them. Pootie’s more of a candy guy.
I set the trap. It’s done delicately, with one’s shoulders tucked up under one’s ears, grimacing like Wallace in Wallace and Gromit. Then it’s scootched into place one millimeter at a time. It’s not fun. It’s like waiting till the last second to cut the wire on a bomb when you don’t know if it’s the green wire or the red wire.
But I did it. The worst was over. Right?
To be continued.
Ah, man! I have to wait until Wednesday for more of the story? Murr, you are such a tease!
We had an infestation of mice two years ago. We tried all manner of traps that initially worked. But mice are smart. They see what’s happening to their buddies and learn not to go in them. First, the Havahart traps. Tried the snap traps, but with my gnarled fingers, it always snapped while I was setting it, sending the bait flying off behind a major appliance, where I could not get to it. So basically, it was a peanut butter trebuchet. Tried these little black boxes that contain rat poison that supposedly are irresistible to mice. They never even touched them. Even tried glue traps, and when they worked, I quickly drowned the mouse in a plastic bag of water so it wouldn’t suffer any more. Then they started not working anymore either.
As a last resort, Paul suggested these hyper-sonic devices that plug into outlets. Only rodents can hear at that frequency, so humans and pets are unaffected. I thought it was snake oil, but I was ready to try anything at that point. We bought a bunch of them and put them all over our home. Dang it they didn’t work! No more infestation! It was like the Pied Piper, but in reverse. The mice couldn’t stand the noise (which only they could hear) and left the way they came in (presumably).
The occasional mouse will wander in, and I have a couple Havahart traps behind the bird cages to trap them and take them away. Fortunately, this is a rare occurrence.
I hope that you find a way of dealing with the rats. Those suckers look scary!
I have read that birds can be affected by the ultrasonic units?
Your birds are ok with them?
Yes, they are. And I have these units all over the house. I’ve read that only rodents and spiders are affected by them. Oh, I made sure I did some research first!
They’re actually pretty adorable. Not the stringy-fur pointy-snout big ones. Asian roof rats. Still…unauthorized inside.
A cliffhanger…and we have to wait until 2025!
A couple of houses ago we had rats in a garden shed. They discovered the bird seed, so I put that in a steel garbage can. Then they chewed through some plastic jugs where we stored our emergency water supply. That was a mess. When they cut the phone wire under our house I suspected that they were up to something more sinister so I finally had to act. Yep, the worst is yet to come.
They have superior and sinister dentition. That is a fack.
I wish I could offer you a fool proof anti-rat measure. I’ve been looking for one for years. Bought these huge traps that the rat enters and doesn’t leave. Those worked a few times. Caught juvie browns and adult blacks, as well as a few white footed mice. Then they stopped working.
Neighbor suggested poison pellets and gave me a cup of them. I know they were wildly popular because they disappeared and the rats left turds behind as calling cards. No idea if they worked because there were no bodies.
Years ago I bought a case of rat poison blocks out in farm country, PA from a Mennonite general store. Put out a couple and they were chewed and then disappeared. Didn’t see any rats after that and figured I was good.
Come the next fall I had some activity and went back to the case for more blocks. There were no blocks, but there was a pile of mouse turds.
I had a mouse infestation issue in the attic of my rental house and put out poisoned seed trays. The activity dropped off. When I moved some years later I found a cache of poisoned seeds.
I’ve tried glue traps. They work really well on mice, especially if you put a little dot of peanut butter in the middle. The only downside is that a mouse with four feet glued down can still shuffle the trap off into hiding. One pulled that trick and I never found it, but I sure smelled it! After that I taped the traps down, but still had one break it loose, but I did find it.
Rats are very intelligent and may be able to pass on their knowledge. Mice are not so intelligent, but breed like mad.
I had carpenter ants in the rental house. The exterminator sprinkled dust all around the crawl space. It killed everything, including the mice. I found a pile of their carcasses on the steps going down. I don’t know what it was and what restrictions there are on using it.
My personal recommendation is that you don’t want rats in your house and calling in the professionals is a very good idea. And/or investing in a real rat terrier or a mink. Or a ferret or someone who uses ferrets or minks.
My grandfather worked at a grain dealer as a boy. They had a rat terrier whose job was to kill rats. He would line up the bodies each day in front of the office and got paid in meat.
I like the rat terrier idea. Boomer would have been a good ratter but we didn’t have any rats at the time. Mostly I think we get by okay because the dumpster at the Mexican restaurant down the street is more attractive. I don’t want to poison any rodents because I’m fond of our hawks. Time for a new kitty?
Wasn’t there a Larry clone a while back? One who insisted on being part of your pack, but you couldn’t just take ’em in, having humans who were already attached, or some such?
Anyway, good luck and I’m looking forward to reading the sequel!
Lavender! She was a very nice girl. I hope she stays out of my garden.
I haven’t had really effective vermin control since I had a scottish terrier. My canine companions since then have been pretty oblivious, including my current buddy who just loves every sentient being, including plants. I’m considering getting him a young terrier as a companion, which will keep him on his toes. I hope he forgives me if I do that..
BTW, the hyper-sonic devices haven’t worked well for me.
“…loves every sentient being, including plants.”
When I LOL, I gotta acknowledge!
With the devices, you have to have them ALL OVER the house. Not just a few here and there. Also, they can’t be behind furniture, but out in the open.
‘Exterminators refer to old rats as Moby Dicks. “Rats that survive to the age of four are the wisest and the most cynical beasts on earth,” one exterminator says. “A trap means nothing to them, no matter how skillfully set. They just kick it around until it snaps; then they eat the bait. And they can detect poisoned bait a yard off. I believe some of them can read. If you get a few Moby Dicks in your house, there are just two things you can do: you can wait for them to die, or you can burn your house down and start all over again.” ‘
from Thirty-Two Rats from Casablanca
Vermin of the waterfront and beyond.
By Joseph Mitchell
The New Yorker, April 21, 1944
I just got back from Morocco- and there are LOTS of cats. Well fed cats who are spayed and fixed by the govt….. and fed by locals. The cats are sleek and even kinda chubby and we saw nary a mouse in the huge interconnected souks alleyways and back streets. Very convincing. The kitties who’d been in for ‘treatment ‘ had ear tags or little ear clips/ I was impressed.
My neighbors who have had roof rats and squirrels in the attic and ignored them for yrs! Recently hired a contractor……. Rat urine smells horrible and the attic insulation exists no more…. just saying. Their one battle cat could not keep up
W recently rented an Air b-n-b and the owners response to “there are squirrels in the walls and we saw a mouse in the kitchen was ” animals belong outside”- as if she was trying to teach them and we were ignoring our teaching responsibilities. Nutty she was…..
P.S. Let me know if you’d like me to send you the whole article, but no hard feelings if you don’t!
I know I won’t have time to read it and it will just make me feel guilty, but I remain impressed by your knack for unearthing quotes!
Thank you! I read that one years ago and it stuck in my mind, so I dug it up again.
No. You don’t pussyfoot around with rats. Pick up the phone, call the most highly rated exterminator, and write out a big fat check. (Also pay them their additional fee to seal up both inside & outside the house. And get a written guarantee stating that they will return & re-treat on an as-needed basis for 6 months.)
I cannot imagine being able to seal up this old house.
Exactly! My house is about a hundred years old, not up to code, and would cost a FORTUNE to seal it up. The devices cost a chunk of change, but not as much as sealing the house would.
I was sitting in my parents’ living room when I saw a small, furry, brownish creature zooming along the edge of the floor — much too big to be a mouse. “That was a chipmunk!” I suddenly realized out loud, to which my mother replied, “Oh, no! Not another one!” A previous chippie had crawled into their bed — this is GROSS — chewed the wires between the layers of the electric blanket, and died.
They did have a dog and several cats. Useless.
No! Chipmunks! And that is how you get a chipmunk to stop being cute.
Large size Victor snap trap with apple slice as bait. I’m a killer.
I have killed over 100 mice in 2024. Probably not done. Victor makes a plastic snap trap that is effective and easy on hands. And you don’t have to touch the critters to empty them. I use peanut butter. They have a large size trap but I don’t know how effective. I recently saw a clip of Jane Goodall cuddling a rat. Please don’t use poison as it travels up the food chain to birds and others. I know the feeling of desperation…
Those black plastic snap traps are brutally effective on rats too.
And they’re easier to set without injuring yourself than the old-fashioned ones are!
You need not worry about me poisoning them! And for that reason. ALTHOUGH I poisoned a boatload of rodents in my brief stint in a toxicology lab at the Harvard School of Public Health. The public health did not refer to the rats.
Just as there is no such thing as a mouse, only mice. There is no such thing as a rat, only RATS. I agree with the hiring an exterminator. Good Luck!!!
I’m right there with you. I can’t even change the batteries on a smoke alarm.
Another job for the firemen.
A year or so we had so many rats and mice in town that it made the national news. That was when I learned that rats will, if hungry enough, eat the tomatoes of my backyard plants. For a while I was trapping one or two daily, but the population has taken a dip (I daren’t hope for a dive!) lately.
Well yeah. Your tomatoes froze.
Haven’t had a frost in our yard in years.
I had never heard of the bucket method until I met a rural Chilean from the island of Chiloé. Seems they’ve been using a much more pedestrian version of it than yours for donkey’s years and sometimes will catch (drown) five or ten rats a night.
In the 31 years that I’ve lived in my cabin in the Andean woodlands of Patagonia, I’ve only had to thwart one rat invasion. (I have cats–lots of cats–and their scent alone seems to keep mice and other rodents at bay). It was during the drought of ’95.
The marsh down below our property went dry and dead, and the marsh rats moved uphill to my place in search of food and water. And found it, since I had seven dogs at the time and there was always fresh water and feed around. Long story short, they invaded my workshop and had an annoying habit of squeezing under the galvanized iron roofing of the house at night and making an awful ripping sound as they tore out pieces of fiberglass insulation for their nests.
I caught (decapitated) some with snap-traps. But I learned quickly that I had to climb onto the roof at sunset every evening to set them, and then climb up again at dawn and remove them. I learned this by accidentally “catching” a hungry buzzard hawk one morning, who had stopped by for breakfast. Incredibly, the hawk wasn’t killed and tried to fly off with the trap on his neck–which was aerodynamically impossible, of course. I managed to catch him before the dogs did, release him from the cruel trap and sit him up in the crotch of a large birch, in hopes that he would survive. A couple of years later, I saw a buzzard hawk with nasty scar on the back of his neck just below his head and knew it was “my bird”.
Anyway, these were burrowing rats that bored nine or ten-foot-long tunnels at different strategic points around the yard. I realized that the only way to stem the invasion would be to declare war on them and pit my will against theirs.
If I’m honest, I hated every minute of it. Never was one of those guys who liked to go out to the dump with a .22 carbine and a flashlight and blast vermin. This was worse though. I crushed their tunnels, whacked them with a scoop shovel, hit them with a crowbar and sicked the dogs on them. They weren’t nasty-looking sewer rats, but sort of sweet-looking country rats, with caramel-colored coats and white bellies, and I still recalled the faces of a few when they knew what was coming just before I smacked them so hard their eyes flew out of the sockets.
Long story short, between the dogs and me, we mass-murdered a real passel of rats and eventually I knew we’d won. They had decided to go somewhere less hostile.
Well, except for two. Those two lived in the dry-stone wall behind the house. My alpha-dog Faye had decided that those two were different. She had ruthlessly snapped the backs of many of their kin, but these two, she seemed to think, were pets, members of the Newland animal family. She even allowed them to eat out of her dish. And every time I walked into the patio with a shovel in my hand and murder in my eye, she looked at be warily, like saying, “Don’t even think about it.”
As it turned out, she was right. Fall came. It started to rain, and her two friends, Walt and Edna (or perhaps Edna and Eileen, or maybe Walt and Willard, because, thank heaven, they didn’t breed) evidently left and went back to the wetlands below the woods.
And we never saw them, or any other rat, near the house again.
Great story! You need to comment more often!
Thank you, Dan, ever so much for a side-sliding, down-hilling, ultimately uplifting story. I was riveted.
Dan, as I’ve told Bruce, if you blog, I’ll subscribe.
Me, too! Let us know!