It was morning, which is what I call the time of day beginning three hours after dawn, and I was all ready to do the regular morning tasks: renew a pox on Republicans, dismantle the plutocracy, and check the beer levels in the fridge, when suddenly there was a tremendous disturbance in the force and sure enough my blog had totally disappeared and I wasn’t done with it yet. And I did what any of you would have done. I said “Motherfuck” very quietly and got in touch with my webmistress Queen Judy and whined like a kicked pup.
I don’t know how these things work. I had just popped into the dashboard a few days earlier to fart around with one of the pages and I might have set off a tiny bomb before concluding I didn’t know what I was doing and clicking off really quick, but in spite of my worst efforts everything was working fine afterwards. Still, my prime suspect was me.
But no. Judy said I’d been HACKED. Me! Who has never said anything anyone would ever take offense at unless they are Republicans, or don’t agree that abortions should be mandatory and in some cases retroactive, or don’t like to read about poop. I’m clean, I tell you.
So I don’t really understand what in the world happened but I am savvy enough to know exactly who did it. Assholes. That’s who did it. Not sure if that’s the technical term.
I don’t know a lot of the technical terms. I can’t imagine Judy likes hearing from me that much. If she’s trying to get me to cooperate in some meaningful way with the operation of my website, she’s got to feel like someone at NASA explaining that the rear thruster assemblies need to be discalibrated in order to unbutton the anti-inflammatory flapmonger and all I need to do is flip one little toggle on my end, and did I understand? And I scratch under my armpit and grunt “Fire! Bad!”
Anyway as your wonderful emails started to trickle in (“Are you dead?”) I actually found myself more relaxed than usual. Yes, it was possible I would miss a Wednesday post for the first time since 2008. I couldn’t get into my dashboard to put in new ones. But Judy told me not to worry, that it would get solved. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it anyway. And she was going to do all the wrangling with the nice tech people in India. I once spent an entire month talking to the nice tech people in India to get my email back online. Now I can take only ten minutes of that before my PTSD kicks in and liquefies my soul. (It comes out my eyes.) I had some money to throw at the problem. Yes, this is more of a hobby than a business, but people spend more on golf clubs.
And when I got up Wednesday morning, Judy had slain the beast and left the carcass at my door. She’d been up half the night because India is on the wrong side of the world, but the assholes had been routed. Would I check in my dashboard to see if anything looked wonky? I did. It looked like home.
Without the welcome mat. Everything was working fine but nobody could comment. There are websites where you wish there wasn’t a comment thread but Murrmurrs is not one of them.
Having Judy in your contacts is like being stuck in an elevator shaft in a building that is on fire and suddenly Bruce Willis sticks his head through a trapdoor and says Okay, honey! Don’t move! I’ll be right back! and then disappears and you’re screaming your fool head off but then there he is again dangling from a helicopter and scooping you up and by the closing credits the bad guys are gruesomely dead and you’re in the future telling stories to your grandchildren.
I’m going to put out a bowl of hard candies now. Comment away.
Huzzah, Queen Judy! When I saw that your blog was gone, I thought that it was a problem system-wide with WordPress. I wouldn’t expect hackers to come after your blog! For one thing, the readers of it skew somewhat older. And Trumpers don’t seem smart enough to be able to hack anything other than a loogie. Then, the missing comment section! I have grown quite fond of your regular commenters, who are an enlightening and entertaining bunch. Sometimes I laugh as hard over some of the comments as I do the blog itself. Overall, your blog makes me feel like I’m one of panelists on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. I’m relieved you’re still here!
I don’t know how these things work, but I don’t really think hacking is personal. I think it’s pretty random. Still makes me feel homicidal though.
There was a 5 minute window during your hackage when I thought I’d scored an existential goal. It appeared mine was the first comment, that I’d finally beaten Mimi to #1. Thrilling! I punched the green Post Comment button, then cruised over to Facebook to brag, only to have my hopes dashed by the facts. I failed again today. It’s demoralizing to know I will always be at least second best. Be aware that at no time, including now, have I actually had anything to say in this comment section. It’s bigger than that; it’s about me. It’s grown meta. I feel like Tommy Smothers.
You’re on the east coast, right? You gotta be up spang at 6am.
I’m on the east coast and I get up at 5:30am. Not that I go on the computer then, ’cause I got stuff to do first. But by around 6:30, I’m having my morning tea and checking out the blogs. I know this sounds early, but I have insomnia, and I figure that since I’m up, I may as well get shit done.
I was of the understanding that the appropriate spell is:
” I ATE’NT DEAD “
Not in the Monty Python black plague scene though.
I’m not SURE comments at quite right. Tommy Smothers came through as “Anonymous.”
HA HA HA HA! Not quite as good as Pat Cipollone being “Patsy Baloney” but stiill.
I have always heard his name as “Pass the baloney.”
Thank goodness. And Judy. If ever we needed the BEST humor and the BEST snark, it’s now.
Huzzah and bravo. She returns!
I never left! I just was making squeaky sounds from inside a box and waiting for someone to punch some holes in the top!
Between the technocracy and the oligarchy I feel relatively helpless. If I get furious I can’t do anything that feels good. Even throwing the computer through a window only feels good for a moment until I realize I have to clean up the mess and outlay some hardly earned cash to fix things. I admire your gumption, Murr, and your word stuff too.
“The defenestration of the fucktocracy”
Gee feel so inadequate to comment. Not a wordsmith. And to see our shared experience from the perspective of Mind of Murr. Murr did really great thruout the process of chasing after the beast of robot attacks who go around adding malicious files that interrupt the flow of words we have all come to treasure. She did really great following instructions between me and techs at Godaddy and techs in India and back to me then her then Godaddy again. You get the point. Lots of back and forth as much as I tried to protect and shelter her from the storm, Godaddy kept insisting I validate who I was. I was always still me. Which meant Murr had to receive a code from Godaddy give it to me then I give it to Godaddy. We did this several times. So maddening and all that communication has to be done in a 10 minute window. Blah blah. Or you have to start over with the code stuff.
Anyway that wasn’t even about fixing the malicious attack. Getting rid of a list of malicious files 6 pages long can be a big job. Thank you techs from India. If only they would work during my day so I didnt have to get up at 2:00am to talk with them. It’s all very random -the robot attacks. Just pieces of code roaming the netherlands of cyberspace looking for any vulnerability.
I wonder how vast and complex that network really is. Is it part of dark matter?And yet they find your little harmless website and send an army of bots to try every username to get into your site. I don’t know what starts the invasion but it can happen 60-100 times a day from every country on the planet. But now we have a FIREWALL. which cost money of course to keep the bad guys out. Hope it does and happy I was a part of giving Murr back to all her adoring fans. I guess I found some words afterall
Queen Judy, y’all! All I remember is a lot of me saying “Whut? Whut? Whut?”
The defenestration of fucktocracy…omg I’m making this into a sign to put up in the house. Huzzah you are back Murr, and kudos to you and Judy for dealing with these idiot trolls. Would they put their Weasley little brains into doing something positive in the world.
OH! How lovely to hear from JUDY!!! Well done you.
Also – your back and forth between Murr and Godaddy makes me think of how getting a verification code texted to me works here. Which is to say – doesn’t. We don’t have cell phone service at our house – which means if the only option is a code sent by text, I’m shit out of luck. Then I have to remember to try to do whatever it is when my phone and I are in town. OY.
Anyway – thanks a bunch for saving the day.
Isn’t it amazing how screwed we are these days if one little thing goes wrong? Like not having cell service? Somehow now I’m thinking we’re going to regret getting rid of all those library card catalogs.
Judy! You’re MORE than a Queen! You’re a freakin’ GODDESS! Thank you for bringing Murr back to us from over the River Styx!
Thank God for Queen Judy. Is she commercially available? (ie, if/when I get hacked, may I approach her throne and throw dollars into her lap until she deigns to facilitate me, or does she do this for love, but not for money?)
Judy could no doubt use some money. I await my invoice…
Judy, Judy, Judy!
A toast to Judy!!!! I keep her email address handy for the day my website caves in.
(I once had a webmaster, who did a very good job of creating my website, but she joined a cult, an even-more-than-usually psychotic branch of the fascistic “Sovereign Citizens” (q.v.) movement. For more details, google “Quantum Grammar,” but don’t blame me for the headache. She tried to sell me on her cult. When I wouldn’t buy it, she started insulting me in a most juvenile fashion. I quickly changed my website’s admin password.)
Jeremy, that is a horrible story. Kind of want to google that now though.
Okay, but aren’t we now on the slippery slope of making Queen/Goddess Judy into the head of a cult? I mean, she has arcane knowledge that we cannot begin to understand, seemingly speaks in tongues, and can work miracles. Let’s hope that she doesn’t let all this adulation go to her head!
“…mandatory and retroactive.”
I can’t stop laughing and plan to either credit Murr for it or down and out plagiarize it.
Help yourself, Susan! I’ve said it more than once or twice.
That is a sweet photo of Pootie doing the best imitation of you when you lost your blog❤️
He is such an attention hog.
Thank you Judy! I missed Murr for the couple of days she was offline. Have to say though, if my computer gets hacked that bad, I’ll just walk away from the online world. I don’t have a Judy to turn to.
You should git yourself one.
See,this is just the sort of thing that fascist nut-jobs will do to a person when she takes some time out of trawling blogs and voting new governments into power and wishing she could help out the “Old Country”
So I missed some excitement over in Murrland? But I’m pleased to see your staunch terrier-grip is hanging on.
I am very much liking the staunch terrier-grip. I’m not sure I have a grip on anything but it rings nice.
Nope! Looks like my comment was re-routed via a distant star…
I see two…
I just got back into Murrland totally unexpectedly. I think I was there fer a while around times of the founding. So glad to be back Murr and all! Now I can rite my unsteady boat finding humors in them rough waters! (Mine, of course!)