I had a couple ideas for blog posts just as I was getting into bed. I didn’t want to get up and write them down. So I just concentrated: Think chicken, I thought. Think rabbit. Chicken. Rabbit. Then I went to sleep.
It worked. The next morning I remembered! Chicken! Rabbit! I remembered what I wanted to write about chickens.
I have no idea what the rabbit is about.
I mean, I already know a bit about rabbits and a lot of that is stuff you’d just as soon not know about rabbits. Like how they eat their own poop. Sure, Labrador Retrievers hoover up cat turds and carpeting and stray socks and their own vomit, but we’re willing to ignore all that because they’re basically love factories with bad breath. But we’re against the practice on principle.
Technically speaking, rabbits do not eat their own poop, but a somewhat different item that just happens to come out of their butts, so. A proto-poop, as it were. We’re not trained to make the distinction, but they’re not at a loss about it. They have the same digestive conundrum that cows do: they eat a lot of cellulose and cellulose is hard for the body to break down. So the rabbits do the best they can with what they’ve eaten and then send it through a second time to get all the juice out of it. It’s not nearly as disgusting as it would be if a cow did the same thing. (That is not really a pie.) The cow just throws up in its mouth and continues chewing. All in all it puts a shine on our situation as primates. Most of us don’t eat poop unless we really want to. (Some apes are known to eat their own poop. Speculation is that they just get a hankering for warm food, which certainly underscores the significance of the human discovery of the microwave fire.)
At least rabbits don’t make as much noise eating as Labradors and they’re super cute.
They’re ridiculously cute. There have always been rabbits in the metropolitan area but we never saw one close by until last year, down the alley. It was very exciting. Over forty years in one spot and finally a bunny!
Then this year we saw a bunny in our very yard! All hippity hoppity around the corner of one of our raised beds and then suddenly it streaked back out again with the neighbor’s cat on its adorable tail. They don’t seem all that fast in the hoppity stage, but I’m here to tell you that cat had no chance. So that’s another thing about rabbits. They’re long in the legs, so if they’re just trying to amble, their rear ends get more air time than their front ends, which makes them hoppity. But if suitably motivated, they can shoot out like rubber bands.
I like our bunny. And then a friend told me: Fine, until it mows down all your lettuce, she said.
Oh. I see. It’s an interesting thing about physical beauty. Once you find out a beautiful person is an asshole, they get uglier. I’ve thought about that with our squirrels. I hate our squirrels. But if I saw one for the first time, say—if I was visiting from afar, I would think they were really cute and entertaining. I kind of miss the fact that I can’t enjoy my squirrels anymore. I see them as future consumers of my wiring and my car’s gas line and my foam seat cushions. I can see it in their formerly beautiful eyes. I can see it in the dastardly way they rub their paws together, thinking about chewing up some electricity.
So I’ve decided to enjoy the hell out of our bunny. Get all the juice out of it, as it were, here in this golden time, before it becomes a real shit. Oh wait. Two. We have two bunnies.
Hmmm.
I still have no idea what I was planning to write about it, though.
We used to have plenty of rabbits in the neighborhood when I was a kid. But then the feral cats came. There are no more rabbits in the neighborhood anymore. None. I see lots of them in other neighborhoods, and I act like they’re an exotic species: “Oh, look! A rabbit!”
Squirrels were always cute to me, then one of them started eating bites in my tomatoes just as they were turning red. THEN they became The Grey Menace. But that squirrel must have died, because the last couple years, our tomatoes have been safe. Now I’m appreciating their cuteness again.
That’s because they have not eaten your solar panels yet.
chickens
https://www.murrbrewster.com/uncategorized/they-had-guts/
🙂
I used to have a yard bunny each summer, but feral cats came along. Also I stopped putting out seed in the warm months.
I fucking HATE feral cats. And outdoor cats in general. I don’t mind barn cats, who actually provide a service. I have known several, and they are always on the job. None of this “remote work.” They are on it, baby!
Did the yard bunny eat your bird seed?
My youngest son discovered bunny poop as a toddler who’d try anything once.. Oh, look, Dad – wild raisins!
I hope he got the first pass and not the second.
I’ve discovered bunnies think sunflowers and morning glories were planted just for them. The seedlings lasted three days. Bunny repellent made them eat the lantana blooms out of spite. Bad, bad bunnies.
It would be cool to live in a place where I could grow lantanas to Volkswagen size. Well, it would be hot, actually.
Two bunnies now? You should hope they aren’t Mr and Mrs, because you’ll be overrun in no time if they are, rabbits can preproduce at an alarming rate and at a very early age.
I don’t usually comment about typos unless they’re my own–we all do it–but I particularly like your rabbits “preproducing.” That sounds like they’re REALLY getting ahead of the game!
I am reminded of the character Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer who had a phobia about rabbits… “Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?”
Maybe they’re using the carrots to stab things with.
You know what’s even better for stabbing? An icicle. Think about it. You stab someone with it. It melts. You just have to wait until winter….
I believe I remember that gambit from a murder mystery.
I can’t remember where I know this from. The perfect way to dispose of a dead body is to go to a cemetery where they have already dug a grave and put a tarp on it. Dig further down. Bury body. Smooth over the dirt so that it looks like it initially did. I find the weirdest things fascinating….
And then there is the Attack Bunny scene in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” …
I live in a neighborhood filled with bunnies, squirrels, birds, deer, and yes feral cats, and except for the cats that have been caught and spayed, there has been no shortage of any wildlife.
Hi Beth! Well if the feral cats are caught and spayed and re-released, I’ll bet there’s been a LITTLE dent in the wildlife! Grrr!
Personally, I think that they should be caught and killed. I know that is not a popular option, since so many people seem to be “cat people.” But that’s how I roll.
I am a cat person who agrees.
I love how your train of thought slips gently off the tracks and goes meandering through the meadows of your mind.
A lot of times it’s not a train so much as a jumble of disconnected cars.
“It’s nice here in the meadow,” Tootle said.
Jack Rabbits are hares. Snowshoe Hares are rabbits. I still don’t know what bunnies are.
Bunnies are the ones with the eggs.
That sounds about right. After all, Snowshoe Bunny and Jack Bunny seem awkward. As does Easter Rabbit.
Apropos of not much, beavers are another species that eats their own poop, but tree bark is apparently hard to digest (who knew?). It takes a *couple* of passes to get the nutrients out of a meal of poplar wood. I guess it would be like eating the cutting board and not the steak. : / Oh yum.
I wonder if it comes out flat?
I am reminded of my favorite line from “A Christmas Story”: “The old man could change fuses faster than a jackrabbit on a date!”
I don’t remember that! Love it!
Lantanas as big as Volkswagons? I”m in.