The composer John Cage famously wrote eight pages of keyboard music called “As Slow As Possible.” One performance of the piece began in 2001 and is slated to finish up in the year 2640. Because the score begins with a rest, the first note did not show up for a year and a half. In 2020 the chord changed for the first time in seven years.
It’s Judge Luttig’s favorite piece.
J. Michael Luttig is the latest media sensation. His testimony before the January 6 hearings was highly anticipated because he is a respected conservative legal icon, and hardly the partisan player imagined by those opposed to the hearings. When he turned on his microphone for the first question, with all the care and solemnity of a palsied candle-lighter at an altar, all ears bent his way.
First came the rest. Confusion? Nap?
Stroke?
It was as though William Shatner had been roused from a coma and asked to recite a passage from James Michener, in which a historical event is introduced by an explanatory preface taking place in the Paleozoic Era, and the acknowledgments page is read first.
Dignity? Or dotage?
The first note sounded and everyone waited for the chord change. Spectators in the background began to float nearly visible thought balloons: future sandwiches were imagined, built on, added to, until they were nearly architectural; recent arguments with spouses were recalled and replayed, with triumphant comebacks followed by new insights and abject regret. Farts were held in and timed to release at the next barrage of word.
At some point many were able to recognize the beginnings of coherence and mentally projected the ends of sentences to be helpful—but no—a clause was inserted—and a sub-clause—and…
Engineering students listened from home and fantasized about a way to yoke the consumption of fossil fuels to His Honor’s larynx and solve global warming.
I found myself distracted by thoughts of how easily the right wing propaganda machine could ridicule and dismiss the retired judge, their former star, and allowed my anticipatory disgust to kindle, and curdle, thinking I had quite a while before the next note dropped; and then I heard him say they all got wrapped around the axle, referring to the Trump bootlickers and their willingness to entertain a bogus rationale for a coup promoted by legal trump-monkey John Eastman.
Wrapped around the axle! Shatner-boy’s got poetry!
I began to pay attention. And by the time this darling of conservative legal thought lowered his face to the microphone and intoned “I would have laid my body across the road before I would have let the Vice President overturn the 2020 election,” every weighted word landed, penetrated. Any more gravitas and he would have descended into the bowels of the earth.
We tweet. We IM. We scroll down to see how many seconds we need to commit to a read, and whether it’s worth our time. Bam, bam, bam. We’re not used to waiting for the next note. But if we have to, we might discover it’s sublime.
Haha–I can’t stop chuckling at parts of this. I had no idea where this was even going and then “It’s Judge Luttig’s favorite piece”. Haha! The first time the man spoke, I wondered if we were witnessing a stroke on live tv. I googled him and was surprised to discover he was only 7 years older than me. At least he spoke the truth (finally) and not more conservative fascist bullshit. He was hardly bearable as it is.
Right? I think someone referred to him as “the most annoyingly frustrating friendly witness.”
I was listening to his testimony on radio while driving. I thought the radio transmission / signal was being repeatedly interrupted or lost.
Too bad you missed the William Shatner visual.
It would be interesting to hear Judge Luttig’s version of “Rocket Man.”
One reason I don’t listen to podcasts is that I am a speed reader. So I like when they have a transcript of the episode because I can read faster than they can speak. For the same reason, it annoys Paul when I finish his sentences because he speaks rather slowly. And sometimes I finish them wrongly, which annoys him even more. To be fair, though, I am seven years older than he is, so I have less time for that. Tick, tick, tick….
I’m going to use that excuse the next time I talk over someone, which is one of my more glaring faults! (I’m working on it though.)
I read somewhere that he is recovering from a stroke.
True? He is definitely…deliberate.
Mimi Anderly, I am the same way. I absolutely hate watching videos or listening to podcasts, or listening to recorded books. It takes SO much longer to get to the point! And I’m a visual learner so if I’m listening to something with no video I have to actually close my eyes to concentrate, LOL.
I read slow but I’d rather read prose instructions than watch a how-to video. Although I usually fail either way.
Mimi Anderly, I am the same way. I absolutely hate watching videos or listening to podcasts, or listening to recorded books. It takes SO much longer to get to the point! And I’m a visual learner so if I’m listening to something with no video I have to actually close my eyes to concentrate.
I’m not sure what kind of learner I am. Except, slower and slower all the time.
I’ve firmly decided that I have no more time to learn anything new. Tick, tick, tick….
I just read a thread written by Judge Luttig. No stroke. It’s just how he speaks. But, speaking of slow, I had to buy 100 post card stamps today before the price goes up. I used the kiosk because the line for service was long. I’ve used it many times before. But now it only dispenses one.stamp.at.a.time, very, very slowly. No warning. There were people in line behind me waiting for the machine, and it takes a very long time to print out and dispense 100 stamps. Is deJoy still in charge of the PO?
Why, yes, yes he is.
Ah, the “good old days” when people took time to gather their thoughts before formulating a sentence. And checking each thought twice to be sure it’s not naughty but nice. I read slow and listen slow and learn slow, but I couldn’t possibly listen to something that slow.
It was pretty dang slow.
hahahaha! The guy looked so much like Shatner does today, and his speech was. so. much. slower. It was concerning, but he pulled through.
He was terrific toward the end.
I looked for commentary in the MSM about Luttig’s speech pattern during those pauses in his speech. Nothing. Nobody I’d care to read was touching this one. I felt kinda shallow way down deep for finding him so hard to follow, especially when I watched how respectfully and fluidly the Committee responded to him. Many of them had been law clerks (some his), so they probably knew they had plenty of time to write out his words in calligraphy, digest them, and cogitate at length before adjusting their timing belts in order to respond in natural cadences. I was dazzled by those investigators! I spent the rest of the hearing in All Sphincters Red mode, hoping no one would ask the judge for more input. Listening to Jacob’s answers, I was reminded of a hummingbird maneuvering around a Mourning Dove. Afterward, Bill pointed me to a transcription of Luttig’s words – and there was the brilliance and courage, as advertised. Still, I felt bad about being the only person I knew with sufficient attention deficits to find Judge (Ret.) Luttig remarkably incomprehensible. I should have known I could count on you. Once again, you’ve redeemed me. This should worry you.
It does. Also the All Sphincters Red mode.
BRILLIANT, Murr! Full stop.
Murr, I am still laughing. He finally had me, too, at the ‘wrapped around the axel’ statement. And I began to mentally diagram sentences when he did the sub-clause thing. Funny, funny post!
Thanks guys.
I loved the comparison to Cage’s piece. I understand that hotel rooms in Berlin were fully booked when a note was finally due to change. Who know “as slow as possible” would be a tourism boost?
Let’s hope that some justice and resolution happens for the insurrectionists,… before Cage’s piece is over.
I think the whole species will be over before Cage’s piece is over.
Like Judge Luttig, my father spoke so slowly that my mother (who spoke in a more rapid-fire mode) would become frustrated waiting for him to finish. Now, I frustrate my husband with my slowness.
Did you ever hear Bob and Ray’s bit about the interview with a member of the Slow…Talkers…of…America?