I haven’t heard much about Hillary Clinton lately. Maybe she’s had something to say from time to time, but she’s certainly not front and center in the news anymore. This doesn’t alarm me all that much. She’s kind of old-school. She’s one of those traditional politicians who, when they lose an election, accept the result graciously and fade into the background. As we now know, there is no reason to concede an election, no matter what, but that’s a recent discovery.
Do You Kuru?
So maybe I was never going to be the first to notice that she no longer exists at all. Thanks to Q-Anon, who unlike Hillary totally exists, we know that Hillary Clinton was executed following a tribunal some three years ago. It’s the kind of thing you’d think would make the news cycle, at least if it didn’t drop on a Friday night, but that’s the thing about tribunals: they’re super duper secret. A properly done tribunal and execution should produce no evident body. Have you seen a body? You have not. So there: ipso fucto. Tribunal. Execution.
I’m still a little suspicious, and so is Cirsten Weldon, the actress famous for playing the agent’s girlfriend in a thirty-year-old film called “Hard To Die,” so she should know. She does agree that HIllary Clinton is dead but says it happened more recently, when she died of Stage Four Kuru. Kuru is a very rare brain-wasting disease but the famous have ways of getting things that regular people can’t. Basically, you have to eat infected people’s brains, so if that isn’t elitist, I don’t know what is. The last time anyone was known to have contracted kuru was ten years ago when a bunch of people in Papua New Guinea got it from eating the brains of dead people. So cannibalism is definitely involved, which lends the entire story a lot more credence than that tribunal bullshit.
Because, after all, it is already widely accepted in certain unvaccinated sectors that Hilary is among a cabal of liberals who run a child-molestation ring out of a pizza parlor, and pedophilia, especially if enhanced with pizza, is well-known to be a gateway disorder to cannibalism. You’re going to want to examine those toppings very carefully. So all of this rings true already, but there’s the added information that Clinton and her cronies have been eating children for a while now as a Satanic ritual. She’s eaten lots of children. You can tell because they went straight to her ankles.
Supposedly this is a way of harvesting adrenochrome, a magic substance that can keep you young. Liberals will do anything, including affecting ponytails and advancing socialism and otherwise caring about humanity, to stay young. Adrenochrome is produced in terrified children, so you could torture them and scoop it from their pituitary glands or their blood if you don’t want to eat them. The Jews have been doing just that for generations, while keeping Kosher, in case you have any lingering doubts about the practice. There’s not a story out there so outlandish that it doesn’t get more true-ish by being Jewish.
Anyway, that’s why no one has seen Hillary Clinton lately, and also her friend Huma Abedin, and also John Podesta, and also James Comey, and also George Soros. And if anyone claims to have seen any of these people, ask yourself: would a known torturer and cannibal stop short of lying? That’s rich. If you think you have seen them, they are clones. Clones created at or near the time of their own birth, in Hillary’s case 1947, so they’re the right age and everything. You need to be super smart and devious to think that far ahead. You probably need to be Jewish.
What’s clear is that there is now an epidemic of brain-wasting disease. And that Original Hillary no longer exists.
Her emails, now, they’re around here somewhere.