If you live long enough, your language begins to get holes in it. It’s like any other fabric you’ve nearly loved to death. Most of the holes in my home-team language have developed in places formerly occupied by nouns. I’ll be traipsing along in a merry conversation and suddenly I’m brought up short at the edge of a pit, looking into it for my noun. They come back eventually. It’s like how you shake out a sweater that you’d folded up from the laundry a while back, and out comes a sock that had been missing long enough that the mate had been thrown away. Same thing with nouns. You’ll be having a conversation and someone is going on and on about the plutocracy, and then something he says shakes up your brain-closet and a noun you were looking for days ago drops out. “OTTOMAN!” you shout, suddenly and irrelevantly, which does nothing to shine up your reputation for mental acuity. The point is, things turn up.
There’s no real point in looking for the word if you can’t find it right away. The other day I was looking for (it turned out) “celibacy,” when really nothing else would do, and I almost had it cornered (I’m pretty sure it starts with a “v”). It’s not an odd word, not one that should turn up missing on your average day; it’s the kind of word that probably comes in a twelve-pack at Costco, nothing unusual about it at all; but it’s gone for the moment and that’s all there is to it. There’s a word for this phenomenon, and I don’t remember what it is, but we might as well call it “dementia” because that’s what everyone else calls it. I got to wondering if dementia manifests itself differently in different languages.
There are fundamental differences in the way languages are set up and they might even affect the way the speaker thinks. For instance, I am told that there is no word for “no” in Gaelic. If you speak Gaelic, you have to indicate a negative by recasting the question. If someone says “do you have new shoes?” and you don’t, you have to say “I do not have new shoes.” This simple deficit in Gaelic led to some terrible famines in days of old, when the Romans came through bearing platters of pasta and speaking a mile a minute and said “have you eaten?” and the Irish said “we have…” and that was that for the Romans–they kept on going and talking a mile a minute and didn’t stick around for the “…not eaten.”
My suspicion is that the Germans have the best setup for dealing with dementia. They already concoct their nouns as though demented and have a lot of practice. They would call an ottoman something like the thingonthefloorforputtingthefootsenonen, which is just the way I have started to speak. So nobody’s going to notice. By the time they get to where they can’t whomp up a noun on command, it works even better. The Germans start out their sentences by laying out all available nouns and then let you know what they want done to them later on in the sentence. They’re not going to get caught halfway into their thought and then pull up short, gesticulating wildly, face screwed up, so God and everybody can tell they’ve just blown a fuse. No, they won’t say anything at all; they can’t get a purchase; they’re thwarted from the get-go. They will remain silent. And be thought wise.
I would've thought that being well-read, having a vocabulary of some substance, would make me immune to this particular feature of middle-age, but of course that's not the case. This losing words thing is one of the more frustrating features of maturity, I think. Luckily it strikes me often enough among those who are my age or older, so it turns into a weird game of charades where others shout out possible vocabulary choices.
Gonna share this with my linguistics-major daughter. I foresee a potential thesis topic…
Your posts always make me howl (with laughter–not to say that sometimes tears don't follow, however –Have you made sense? I have not made sense.) Aha! Have you done a post on loose cannon negatives? Maybe that one is left for me.
This post in particular makes me think you've been peeking in on my life. When I can't find the noun I want, my usual comment is, "I'd like to buy a noun." Thank you for the catharsis.
I was going to say something here, but I can't remember what it was…
I lose words all the time, but just like a lighthouse, if I wait long enough it will come around again. Love this post, Murr, but then again, I love all of them. Your sense of humor is intact… 🙂
There are a couple of good words for this phenomenon, which I CAN remember, in spite of losing the objects they indicate.
These are: Anomia: The inability to recall names of people or objects.
Lethologica ; a psychological disorder that inhibits an individual's ability to articulate his or her thoughts by temporarily forgetting key words, phrases or names in conversation.
Everyone I work with is twenty years younger than I am. They find it quite amusing when I resort to describing the nouns.
HaHaHa! It's like having a second childhood. Sometimes I find myself as frustrated as a two year old, thinking: "Use your WORDS, Elaine!" I would, if only I could remember them.
Have you noticed that some of your old friends can actually finish your sentences for you?
Since I live in the place where people frequently speak Pentagonese, which makes no sense under any circumstances, I have learned to tune out entire sentences at a time and not worry too much about words that don't mean anything. That, or change the channel. Keeping track of the remote is an entirely different post though.
I like to say I haven't forgotten the word, I'm just "buffering." It hasn't downloaded yet, but as you say, it always does eventually.
And I can't say it often enough. I love your writing.
It must be even worse in Russian. Even if you can remember that "hello" is "zdravstvuytye" (and pronounce it), Heaven help you if you can't remember the masculine genitive plural of the second declension, etc.
It's not just age. I know someone who can't be over 25 and constantly mixes up her terminology so badly that you really have to think about what she's saying to avoid misunderstanding it.
Have you noticed that some of your old friends can actually finish your sentences for you?
They're usually wrong, though.
Murr: I think I've discovered your problem. "Ottoman" is an adjective, as in the Ottoman Empire. Maybe a lot of the nouns in your brain have turned into adjectives, or been stored with the adjectives by misteak. Perhaps you should re-sort the adjective file in your grey matter; there might be a lot of nouns hiding in there, and feeling a bit disconcerted about being misfiled. Of course, the adjectives are their cousins, so it can't be too bad. Can it?
I can appreciate your frustration about dementia in three languages; I've gone senile in six. None of which is German.
Blessings and Bear hugs.
As the years go by, this problem becomes more acute. Happily being married help, you can work together for the "word" lost in the braincase.
Your comment about German reminds me of information I received from a museum guard in Spain (of all places) some 30 years ago. While practicing his English with my husband and me, he explained that he refused to learn German because it was harmful to the brain. As evidence, he pointed out how common German names were among the perpetrators of Watergate (Erlichman, Haldeman), explaining that putting the verb clear at the end of a sentence was unnatural and caused mental illness.
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Love your post and the comments!! My father's primary noun, once he reached middle age, was "whatchamacallit" — a habit that I seemed to have acquired sometime in the past 10 years myself. Very useful, if somewhat imprecise!!
(On a related note, my typing has gone to hell too!! Had to delete the first try on this — too garbled!)
Oh yes, the word elves…they live in my head and hide my nouns for fun.
Hey Murr!
This made me chuckle; I was reminded of a vexed translator at the United Nations. He was translating the German delegate into English, and throughout a particularly tortured sentence from the delegate, the translator said nothing. The sentence continued, and finally he stood and bellowed at the delegate, "the VERB man! The VERB!"
BTW, I was very taken by "It's like any other fabric you've nearly loved to death" – beautiful.
Indigo
I know. It's sad. The most glaring thing for me is names. Like, famous names. Like that guy who played Vinny Barbarino in Welcome Back Kotter. The vocab words don't bother me too much because I only use ten or twelve in everyday speech. What bothers me is when I read a word and think I understand the definition (having looked it up and researched it in the past) and then come to realize (in my rare objective moments) that I can't remember what the word means anymore. It's more than just the loss of a particular memory. It's the loss of something as profound as meaning. Oh well. What were we talking about?
I got almost to the end of this post thinking you were talking about Turks. It is possible that that means I'm heading for dementia too.
"thingonthefloorforputtingthefootson" is very much how Ulster Scots works as well. Not that they had an ottoman in the average Highlands croft, of course, but it's probably the Ulster Scots version of footstool.
God, I'm happy all of a sudden. I thought nothing would perform that miracle on me today, not even the good, deep rain we got. Now, I've laughed out loud and my eyes sting with it.
You angel of mercy, you thought you were being funny, I'll bet.
And then one has to consider that spelling can radically alter meaning. Demensia, where I live, means one of the local snakes.
And if the word you want, related to celibacy, begins with a V, might I suggest virginity? Though I doubt they come in Coctco six-packs!
I so love to hear that other people have this teensy weensy difficulty too. I often have to mime things (scissors for example frequently disappears) which is difficult on the phone.
Thank you for a wonderful (as always) post.
I work with 9th graders, the all purpose word there (in informal language of course), is the "F" bomb. It is used as a noun, verb, adjective, expletive, adverb and nearly any other part of speech required. It always gets a negative reaction from the adult in charge, and nobody ever forgets that one!
Great writing. Fun and yet so true. Hubby and I have our own language and if one of us forgets a word the other helps out or we just go around it.
Thanks Brewster. All this time I thought it was too many martinis.
My husband is cursing at the ribs that won't thaw, and I am laughing myself silly. I asked him if he wanted me to read this hilarious post and he said no. But I'll wait a few minutes and do it anyway. Then I can laugh again, and he can join me.
I bring good news! This has nothing to do with age. Words get stored deeper and deeper inside the brain (it's how I picture it anyway), and it has nothing to do with maturity or age, but more to do with lack of use. Perhaps as your vocabulary grows with age, there is a bigger percentage of your vocabulary you do not use, and those get "pushed back" by the other, more popular words. Example, when you are a baby, and your vocabulary is "dada" and "maaaaaaaaaAAAh," you will not forget those words too easily. One of them is after all 50% of your entire vocabulary. As you learn new words, you push "dada" back to give room for "cookie," and other more important and useful words. Now, you probably have over 48 million words in your vocabulary, so it's not so strange that your brain has a hard time finding the celibates in that big library in your cranium. Be patient, give it time, and let your librarians do the work.
I am saying this because as you know I speak a few languages; one of which I spoke fluently and didn't use for something like 12 years. It was ridiculous going back to Sweden (they follow that german rule, too), having no accent, but also, no vocabulary. It was all there though, and it pretty much came back in about 6 months. It just had some spider webs (spindelnät! I remembered!), and I wasn't even 26 when I was in Sweden describing "thatthingyouknowaroundthegrassandhousewiththewood"… skit, what's it called??? "öh…fence?" "FENCE! THE FENCE!"
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Oh my. I spent the day at the Willamette Writers Conference where I got to rub elbows (or, you know, whatever) with Other Aspiring Writers, and, theoretically, agents, who kept their elbows well tucked in. So it is a delight to come home to all these wunnerful, wunnerful comments. One thing that is pretty clear is that my readership is for the most part well on the road to dotage. Yay, fellow Dotes! I truly believe one of the reasons I am so fond of the writing craft is that I can sit in my tower and wait for the buffering (thank you, Jayne) and by the time I've got something inked in nobody knows what an idiot I can be in person. You guys are a riot. I am in love with you all and will select for special mention sweet Vivi, above, who is brilliant and funny in three languages at least and starred, as the hot Russian blonde, in this post, and Mr. Joe Blair, who needs to get a Google account so he's hyperlinked when he comments. You do not want to miss this genius's writing.
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"Yes, we have no bananas!" Loved your negatives on negatives.
I started having this problem so young that I could not attribute it to old age. Now in my older age, I still think I'm not so old, just the way I've mostly always been.
Great post.
Oh, I have a good one for you! My 23-year-old son is in a Boston-based band whose lead singer is Beau Cassidy, son of David Cassidy (of "Whah think ah love you" fame). I had to give Beau and another guy a ride to the bus station about 30 miles away. I was trying to make conversation (which makes both of my sons very nervous), and I asked Beau, "Do you feel as if your father's celebrity has helped you become a celebrity?" He said, "I don't feel like a celebrity yet." So here I go with a sentence whose intended last word eludes me: "Well, I guess you're kind of famous by (…I know it begins with a vowel….I know it has 5 syllables… uh,oh, out of thinking time) insemination!" I'm sure you all know that the intended word came to me on my way home from the bus station: "association"
It is so inaccurate for me to say that this post may be one of your best……they are ALL one of your best…..but this one almost made me cry…..it was as though you had managed to crawl inside my head.
Marvelous! (the post…..the condition is the pits.)
I've decided that Lethologica will be my super hero name.
You can probably tell from the two comments I already deleted that I am also having trouble with learning new languages, like html, whatever the hell that is. So I'll try again: you should all trot over and see Joe Blair's blog.
I have had this problem forever. I will be talking and suddenly a word (or name) dashes out of one of my ears and hides behind my neck. It always sneaks back in later on and I will announce it out loud! Trying to find the word before it decides to re-appear sometimes leads to short pantomimes, or sputtering something ("you know, the dohickey that goes on the thingamajig.")
One friend used to tell me "Spit it out and then maybe I can read it!"
Doesn't work.
Yeah, been there done that!!
Rose of Chrysalis
That other link didn't "jump" for me. Let's try this one: http://blog.joeblairwriter.com/
I tole you I couldn't manage a new language. Anyway, he's always got a home in my blogroll.
Roxie sez
I think of it as engaging in your partner in interactive conversations. "What's the name of that actor I can never remember the name of?" I ask. He says, "Donald Sutherland?" I say, "No, the other one – that did the Kodak commercials and was in Space Cowboys and didn't he play a detective on a TV show once?" He says, "Yeah, the guy that's not Tommy Lee Jones. What is his name?" By the time we have figured out what his name is, we have completely forgotten why we were looking for it in the first place, but we've had a mutually satisfactory voyage down memory lane.
I think it's because there is so much stuff crammed in my head by now that the strings to some words have gotten broken. When I give the idea a tug, I suddenly wind up looking at a broken line with maybe a dangling participle still attached. I can still remember all the words to "White Rabbit," (one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small) but not who performed it.
Oh Murr. You are singing.
signed,
the choir
I'm just happy that after fifteen years I can say to my husband 'Hey, that's…' or "You know, the…" followed by a special flappy hand gesture and he knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I lose words all the time (I just turned 50)…names are the worst! "What was that guy's name?" Two hours later, while picking blueberries outside, I remembered "Charles! Not Richard!"
Wendy
I have the same problem as well as the polar opposite problem….in exchange for the words I know but can't find, I now have the ability to insert words into my conversation that I didn't know I knew.
My mother says I'm showing off but I kinda like it. Sometimes after I say them I have to go look them up…Brahahahahaha.
Thanks Murr,
Donna Loo
Wonderful one, Murr!!
The other "ottoman" word is the one I struggle to remember: "hassock." I find myself fretting regularly in search of that one. The similarity to "cassock" further adds to my befuddlement. Can we just please call them footstools?
I try never to threaten a list in conversation any more, as in "There are three reasons why that won't work," because by the time I've stated the first reason, I've forgotten numbers two and three.
Some time back I was in Valencia, staying at Hostal America, which was run by a charming older couple. One evening, on my way out, they beckoned me into their parlor to introduce me to another of their guests, a most fetching young man from Uruguay. The sight of this guy must have thrown me off-balance because I greeted him warmly with "Musto gucho!"
I was a block away before I cringed upon realizing my rather dyslexic and goofy linguistic reversal. Ouch!
Oh yeah, that. I've found that there are people so gorgeous they make you lose your syntax.
I cannot remember a word of French Untill someone starts speaking. I took Gaelic classes (scottish) but quit before I choked to death. There's tons of glitches in Gaelic. The best one was uhh…uhh…I'll get back to you on that. Good article.
My mother's side is a big Italian family. Whenever any one of the adults wanted one of the kids, s/he'd go through a litany of names till they got the right one. I have a wonderful affinity for names, something about them captures my attention and I remember them, the stranger the better. Problem is …who the hell do they belong to?
I know you're looking for it so I will give it to you – the word is "Lethologica" which is the inability to find the word you are looking for.
Lethologica. Right. In German it's "Grandmaspolishingthecatagainheit."
This terrifies me.
Joe Blair's Blog. Of course, there's a link right over there on the sidebar, too. (I won't tell you how long it took me to remember "sidebar", so I could actually put up this messageonablogthingyouknowwhatImean.
Once again you nailed it! – only funnier than I could strive to say it! On a happy note – "they" say that if you can still remember what it does and what it looks like, and can describe it, even if you can't remember it's name – you do NOT have dementia! (Or maybe you do and "they" are terribly wrong!)