I like to go hiking with my niece Elizabeth whenever I can. We have certain aspects of temperament and brain chemistry in common. Some of it is the sort of thing that causes Dave to shake his head and mutter Brewster girls and wonder aloud why we don’t fall down more often. It’s not that we’re willfully oblivious so much as that our thoughts are highly curated and the sensible ones don’t always make the cut.
We might spot something shiny in the duff and bend down and try to pry it out, without noticing it’s a Sasquatch’s toenail. And we’d get away with it and continue merrily on our way because that particular Sasquatch was bored and in need of entertainment.
Last hike we were on, we spotted a hornet’s nest in a tree, clearly abandoned—a third of it appeared to be missing—but what a beautiful creation it was! We were basically in a sodden marsh and the footing was treacherous, but we both got closer and closer for a better picture and it wasn’t until the ground had just about sucked us solid up to our ankles that we notice the HORDES OF HORNETS tornadoing out of the thing. And apparently hornets in a recently damaged nest are on the pissy side. Maybe if we’d actually been able to run we would have triggered a meaner response from the insects but as it was they were content to remain amused and watch us shluck our way out. Brewster girls, they thought, shaking their little furry heads.
So the hike we just came back from was one I wasn’t even going to look up. I’ve been there before. It’s a straight out-and-back to a lighthouse on Sauvie Island and the trailhead is at the end of a dead-end road. Elizabeth asked if we should bring the trail guide along, and I said Nah, you can’t go wrong. So out we went on a clear path that soon dumped onto a narrow gravel track and we blathered away for a mile and a half and then there was this house and a truck and a woodshed and the sound of duck hunters. I did not remember any of those things from when I’d done the trail before. Or the gravel track, for all that. I remembered it as a walk through the woods bordering the Columbia River, and this wasn’t that. So we turned around and went all the way back to the parking lot and Elizabeth hauled out the trail guide, and doggone if where we went wrong was approximately eighteen inches past the trailhead, where we were supposed to follow a thready track onto the beach instead of taking the Very Obvious Path.
“I thought you’ve been here before! I thought you said we couldn’t go wrong!”
That’s what I thought, too. And wherefore this accusatory tone?
Elizabeth was feeling a little too smug that the only thing she’d done wrong was to take my word for something, so at this point I would like to mention another hiking day. A day in which, for reasons which escape me now, I asked Elizabeth when the last time she wet her pants was. And she got that foggy faraway look you get when you’re peering into the distant past, and then suddenly brightened up and said “Oh! Last week!”
Anyway we promptly threaded our way to the beach where we were to walk for a half mile and then find a way up to the woods and pick up our correct trail. After a quarter mile, and a little time to think about my earlier blunder, it occurred to me to wish we’d left some kind of sign so we could find the parking lot again, and Elizabeth said “We could always follow our footprints,” which totally had not occurred to me. Which sort of puts a shine on the younger Brewster girl this time, and none on me, but don’t forget that pants-wetting thing.
We talked so much we solved most of the plot problems I’m having with my book in progress, which, at least tangentially, involves Sasquatches. It was one good idea after another, springing forth fully formed. I was elated.
We made it to the lighthouse just fine. It was a beautiful spooky day hung heavy with vapor off the river and on our way back the sun began to shred up the mist and perching eagles began to emerge from the fog, like good ideas.
Now to watch them soar.
Nothing like a good walk to shift your brain from the quotidian to the creative!
Eleven degrees today–so no ideas will be forthcoming!
Nothing like a good walk to transform the quotidian brain waves into creative ones!
I feel cheated. I was waiting for the hook and figured it had something to do with wetting one’s pants.
Also did you mean urinating in your pants or getting your pants wet, presumably by walking through a wet area or wading into water?
When I was younger I was infamous for not letting clothing and bodies of water stand between me and whatever I wanted to see more closely.
We were camping one time and I’d managed to get all but one set of clothes wet save one and my mom threatened me with bodily harm if I got them wet.
I went out and was very careful not to go wading, but of course all the cool stuff was down by a stream. But I was very careful to find stepping stones and was doing great. Until I was crossing and the branch that I was holding to steady myself snapped and I went over backwards completely into the stream.
There were no consequences that I recall. I think my dad was amused and my mom shook her head.
Ah, Bruce… Bruce! You know nothing about post-menopausal women! Keep it that way, for your own sake!
Women “get wet” in a TOTALLY different way then. We cough. We pee a little. We laugh really hard. We pee a little. I personally practically dehydrate myself before I go out to run errands. I have to pee. Quite often. And there are no places to do so when you are on the road. There was a Rite-Aid that had a rest room. But now, you have to find a salesperson to get the key and let you in. Good luck with THAT! I can find Waldo faster! Gas stations? Customers only. So it’s pretty much food stores and “convenience” stores.
I wear dresses, so in the summer, I can just pull up next to a copse of trees, hike up my dress and pee. (Why, yes… I DO go commando.) But in the winter, I wear tights under said dress. So that is more of a minefield. (Okay, Mimi… don’t piss on the tights! Or the shoes! Got the tissue? Yes, it’s in my mouth.)
You guys are so lucky that you can just whip it outta your pants and pee. AND YET!!! You STILL get it all over the floor by the toilet, so that I have to either carry a paper towel with me before I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, or change my jammies and socks because it’s gross enough if it’s your OWN pee. If it another person’s pee… ew!
Well THIS thing has taken a turn! Okay, okay, I started it.
Murr, you described this so vividly that I felt that I was right there with you guys! I may have pictured it differently than it went down, but I really enjoyed the journey, as I LOVED hiking, but haven’t been able to do it for almost 2 years. This was basically “hiking porn” to me. Thank you for that! I miss it a lot.
Thanks!
“perching eagles began to emerge from the fog, like good ideas.”
LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
These days some of those good ideas flap away before I’ve got the binoculars on ’em.
OMG getting lost thru momentary inattention. Oh yeah
I live in a state of acute attention to my inner thoughts and acute inattention to everything else. It’s a wonder I’m still alive.
I was scared for a little bit when you guys found “a house, a truck, and a woodshed…”
…maybe because I’ve been watching the FX series “Fargo” and it got so wicked, so brutal, so violent, that I had to shut my eyes and put my fingers in my ears.
Yeah, I didn’t like the looks of it either. Fargo was my favorite movie but I haven’t seen the series–is it worth it?
Fargo, the series, is one I really enjoy, and the seasons get better. They are quite bloody and violent, so you have to expect that. I am waiting for the last episode of this season, which is the best yet with Jon Hamm. Each season is free standing, so you don’t have to watch them all. or to watch the seasons in order. I got the hulu subscription for $.99 / month during the black Friday sale, mostly in order to watch Only Murders in the Building.
Dude! And you didn’t like the movie!
Madam, I am afraid you have me confused with someone else.
Huh! Well that’s me and my bad memory. Yay! Fargo!
“…she got that foggy faraway look you get when you’re peering…” You have such a way, Miss Murr.
Breadcrumbs, always leave breadcrumbs.
gluten-free work?
Your last sentence was truly magnificent!