Thanks to advances in the modern pharmaceutical marketing industry, the American public no longer needs to suffer embarrassment when talking about their medical conditions. With the simple application of acronyms three or four times a day, discomfort is measurably reduced. For instance, men may now confidently ask their doctors about treatment for PD. The entire medical community will be thinking “Parkinson’s Disease” but that shouldn’t stop a good PD sufferer, which, as anyone subjected to commercial television will know, means you have a penis that looks like a bent carrot. It also stands for Personal Device which is pretty much the same thing. Peyronie’s Disease is a bend in your personal device.
(PSA: Please note that the carrot is the only pertinent vegetable here. If your penis looks like broccoli, you don’t have PD. You have VD.)
We are dealing with a body part that is frequently out of control in the best of times, but it is no doubt doubly upsetting to discover it charting its own path, taking off willy-nilly: left, right, up, down. No one wants to ask a sexual partner if you can come at them sideways. Girth, length, and momentum are enough to keep track of without adding torque to the list. And having your penis permanently bent upwards is really a pisser.
Wayward wieners result from the deposition of scar tissue (PP, or putz plaque) due to injury or trauma. This can harden into the thickness of bone, which might be handy if it hardens in the right direction. But instead it usually hardens on one side of the affected Personal Device and, the other side being elastic tissue, things begin to take a turn. There’s such a thing as being too stiff. If the scar tissue wraps entirely around the circumference, it produces an hourglass shape. Probably gives you a better grip but most men are not interested in having a wang with a dainty little waistline.
There are numerous treatments. Gently pulling on and stretching the penis can help break up the plaque. Your doctor can recommend how long, how often, and how fast it should be done, or could even perform the procedure himself, although it usually runs a little cheaper on the street.
Traction therapy is also recommended. This involves a cage-like contraption to clamp on the entire affected area. According to one site, two to eight hours of such traction a day for six months “may” be helpful, and many men do not consider that an untoward amount of time to spend on their personal devices. They can plausibly decline invitations by saying they have stuff to straighten out at home. Also, the cock clamp might be attractive to some partners as long as the rivets aren’t too pronounced.
Anyway, it’s a common complaint, perhaps afflicting as many as one in every eleven men. Apparently there is a proliferation of Peyronie’s patients with palpable penal plaque. Depending on the direction of his erection, a man might actually be able to go fuck himself.
That’s something we should recommend to Matt Gaetz. Because that dude is one bent prick.
Oddly enough, my first sexual partner had a slightly bent penis. He said that it happened when he was a little boy, and the toilet lid came down on it. Ouch!
At least it means he wasn’t trying to see how far back he could hit the target from. Good boy.
And here I was, convinced that someone had made up a “disease” on which to make their fortune by selling the “cure”. Being female, it’s difficult for me to understand the problem with a penis that isn’t perfectly straight. But then, I have to recall that some people spend money/time/discomfort on curing a nose that isn’t perfectly straight. Do what’s right, guys!
And when you’ve finished that, do what’s left.
I honored y’all by not putting in photos of actual patients, but if you WANT to see what some of the problems are…
Goddammit I almost sprayed coffee on my laptop screen at the last line here! Hahahaha! Friggin’ Matt Gaetz!! He reminds me of Mr. Limpett (heh…limp) a man who nature intended to be a fish. Gaetz is an animated character from some porn toon who was never meant to be walking among us! A good steamroller should do the trick… :^)
Anyway Murr, thanks for the input on this Peyronie affliction–I do have to say though, you don’t need it if you really want to f– yourself. Erect & flaccid is more than on & off of course, lots of grades in between. Ew I’ve said too much.
I knew I’d drag you down eventually, Doug.
Those Commercials always make me laugh and tell inappropriate jokes, I suppose it’s the Child in me. So… Loved this Post… you’re a Woman after my own Heart when it comes to inappropriate Humor. Matt isn’t the only bent prick in Politics, all of the Right has become quite the cluster fuck.
No wonder they can’t veer toward the center.
Willy nilly cracked me up. And Matt Gaetz is an evil prick.
I can imagine the kind of pop-ups you’re getting now after researching for this post.
(Bentcarrot.com is a real thing, right?)
That Dave is such a good sport.
Pop-ups! I see what you did there!
We laughed and laughed and laughed.
Best thing ever!
Nor should one read this while drinking a carbonated beverage. My nose is still burning. Would saying a “pox” on Gaetz and his cronies be too crude?
I’m guessing you’d have a time finding a pox they don’t already have.
Maybe Gaetz could play his bent organ in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s musty old cathedral.
Gawd, it would echo.
An unusual topic… but then again, based on many your previous essays, par for the course. Keep up the good work!!
Oh yes. Not really at all unusual for this corner of the internet!
I haven’t seen any of those ads here in Aus. maybe I just watch too many dvds which don’t have ad breaks. Either way, I’m glad I’m a woman and don’t have that problem or the possibility of it.
I’d agree except that I do have some kind of urine diverter, post-menopause, that sometimes sends things sideways. I forget what it’s called. Nobody asked for it.
Best last line ever.
Seriously, who votes these dudes in?
Every single line of this posting is brilliant. I’m not sure I understand how your brain works, but obviously many of us are in awe!
Today, it’s PD. Tomorrow, I’d like to see what you do with ED.
Gosh, I must’ve taken a whack at that before. Hmm.
Okay, this wasn’t precisely about ED, but it was kind of fun. Can’t seem to get my hyperlink to work but: https://www.murrbrewster.com/uncategorized/erection-day/
You always make me laugh with your funny posts (and think with your serious ones) but OMG. This was over the top hilarious.
We’re laughing WITH them, not AT them, right? Right?